Hostage
by Dieuwiekiwi
Summary: Silent Witness. This story is mainly about Nikki. She's had a traumatic experience and she hasn't dealt with it, though she keeps telling everyone she's fine... Meanwhile, Harry and Leo keep getting more worried and they do everything to help her.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone :) Here is the first chapter of my very first Silent Witness fanfic, actually my first story ever written in English :) I've probably made some mistakes in English language, but I'm afraid I can't help it (I'm actually Dutch) so please comment on things I can improve and please review my story! Enjoy ;)**

Chapter 1.

It had already got very dark outside when Nikki finally decided to call it a day. She shut down her computer and ordered the different case maps properly on her desk so she wouldn't have to go looking for anything the next day. Then she walked out and switched the lights off. Slowly and yawning, she got down the stairs and out of the building.

While she was walking to her car, thinking about all the things she had to do the next day, she suddenly stopped. All around her, there was complete silence, something which always caused her to feel uncomfortable. Lately it always made her feel like she was being watched by someone and this time was no exception. She looked around, trying to see something in the complete darkness, but it only made her feel even less at ease. Suddenly she started running in the direction of her car. She got straight in, locked the doors and grasped the wheel. She looked at her hands, which were shaking and she was breathing heavily. What was happening? Why couldn't she just get to her car in a normal, relaxed way? Why hadn't she been able to just be herself again, since... it happened? She didn't take time to think about that and drove straight home.

That night she had trouble falling asleep, which was actually no exception either these days. She kept tossing and turning and just couldn't manage to calm down...

The following morning, when she had finally arrived at work, she almost fell asleep again at her desk. Just when her eyes had fully closed, the smell of coffee filled her nose.

"Here, it looks like you need it more than I do," said the voice she so loved to hear.

She opened her eyes again and looked into the face of her colleague and best friend, Harry Cunningham.

"Thanks," she mumbled and she smiled at him.

"Soooo, what have we got to do today? Hmm let's have a look... A suspicious death of an elderly woman, a car crash, that old case we still have to finish and..."

He stopped talking, as he noticed she was just staring and clearly not listening.

"Nikki? Were you actually listening to what I was saying?"

She blinked a few times and then looked at him.

"Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Nikki, are you sure you are alright? I'm sure that Leo wouldn't mind if you took a few more days off-"

"I've already told you about ten times now, I feel fine and I don't need any more days off! Oh and don't give me that look," she added when she saw the look he gave her.

Indeed he looked worried, because he was still not convinced she was 'fine' at all, even though she kept telling him that she was.

"Well, why is it then that you still aren't able to fully focus on your work?"

"I _am _very much able to focus, thank you. I just didn't sleep well last night..."

"Oh, and why was that? You didn't stay at work 'till too late again, did you?"

Her look changed from indignant to slightly guilty.

"Well, actually, I did..." she muttered. "But only to finish a few things so that _you_ wouldn't have so much to do today," she added quickly, when she saw him opening his mouth to tell her it wasn't a wise thing to do.

"Ok, that's what you say. But I think you just feel like you have to keep working to distract yourself from everything that has happened. I think you haven't dealt with it properly and I still think you should take some time off to do that. Even though you keep telling me otherwise."

Suddenly, her expression changed to indignant again, angry even. She gave him a look that would have killed him if looks could and stormed off to Leo's office.

"Leo, do you also think I haven't dealt with things properly?"

Leo, who was just reading a report of some sort and probably hadn't heard anything of Harry and Nikki's discussion, slowly looked up from his desk.

"Well... if you really want to know... I think you haven't. So I suggest you take some more time off and go see a friend of mine who can help you."

"But Leo, there hasn't been anything wrong with my reports or anything, right?"

"No, but-"

"Then why do you want to send me away like I've done something wrong?"

"Nikki, I'm not sending you away, I, _we_, just want to make sure that you are-"

" 'Alright'? I've already told you two about ten times, I am _fine _and I don't need any more time off, so could you please stop going on about it?" Nikki didn't have herself under control anymore. She started shaking again and decided to sit down. Tears started rolling down her cheeks.

"Nikki, I didn't mean to.. upset you or anything.. but you have to understand, Harry and I are just worried about you because we care about you..."

"Yes, yes, I know, but I just... I just don't want to sit around at home all day... doing nothing... because that only makes me feel... a-alone... and I don't want to be alone r-right now..." She was trying to take deep breaths, but that didn't really work.

"Yes Nikki, I understand that, of course I do, but dealing with it this way... it won't work for ever... you have to do something, talk to people..." Leo looked at her compassionately.

"Y-yes, I know.. but I-I just... want t-to forget about a-all of it... not t-talk about it a-anymore, with anyone..." Now she really had trouble speaking and Leo really wanted to help her.

"You know what? Why don't you just make an appointment with Dr. Astini, who is a very good friend of mine and a great doctor too? Just one, to see how it goes?"

"O-ok, alright then..."

"Ok, would you like the rest of the day off?" Leo asked hopefully.

All she could do now was nod. Slowly she got out of her chair and walked back to her desk. She got her coat and bag and disappeared through the door.

Harry watched her walking away and then walked up to Leo's office.

"So.." he said. "I hope this will work, otherwise I really don't know what to do anymore."

"Yes, well.. let's give it a chance, won't we?" Leo said, visibly pondering.

"Yes, let's wait and see..." Harry said and he got back to his desk.


	2. Chapter 2

**So here's chapter 2. This is quite a heavy chapter guys, thats also why I rated my story as 'T'. Just saying... Besides that: enjoy!**

Chapter 2.

When Nikki got home she still felt a little shaky and she still was trying desperately to calm down, but she just couldn't…

She took off her jacket and threw it onto a chair. She sat down on the couch and let her face rest in her hands. After a few minutes she had finally calmed down again.

I should make an appointment with this Dr. Astini, she thought. She reached out to her jacket and got Dr. Astini's card, which Leo had given her, out of her pocket. She picked up the phone from the coffee table and dialed the number. Beeeep….. beeeep…..

"Good morning, Dr. Astini's office," a voice sounded.

"Hello?" said the voice when there was no answer.

Nikki hung up the phone. She just couldn't…

She walked into her bedroom and got into bed, without really knowing why. She couldn't help it, she started thinking about him almost instantly as always when she ended up alone somewhere.

Why hadn't she been able to read him properly? And why did it have to happen to her? And why wasn't she able to just let it go and get on with her life? Well, that question she _could _actually answer straight away. Because it wasn't just _something_ that had happened to her. It really was a big deal…

Even with all those thoughts and questions rushing in her head, slowly but surely she fell asleep.

She found herself lying on the floor in a dark room and her head was spinning. It was so dark she couldn't even see how big it was. She could only see the door, which was a few meters from where she was lying, but she couldn't identify all the objects that lay around. She tried to get up, but her muscles seemed to have decided not to help her do that. Plus, her hands were tied to a pipe that ran all the way up to the ceiling. She looked down at herself and noticed she barely had any clothes on.

"Hello?" she called out. "Is anyone there?" Her vision kept going in and out.

"Hello?" she shouted loud as there came no answer. She started panicking and desperately tried to free her hands, but she couldn't.

Then she heard a sound in the room next to hers. It sounded like a TV or a radio or something which someone had just switched on.

She started calling out again. "Hello? Can anyone hear me? Please help!"

Still nothing or no one replied.

Oh I wish Harry was here, she thought. He should be here to help me.

She lay there for a long time, without anything happening. She could only make out the sounds from that TV or radio.

Then suddenly it went all silent again. The thing, whatever it was, had been switched off. Then she could hear footsteps; there was someone moving around in that room. The footsteps came closer and then stopped, it seemed like in front of the door which gave entrance to the room she was in. Someone opened the door and came into the room. Nikki tried to make out the person's face, but in the almost complete darkness and her blurred sight, she couldn't see anything.

"Well, Nikki… Let's get started, shall we?"

She froze. She recognized that voice. The voice came from someone she knew. It was Jesper, her ex-boyfriend.

"Jesper? Where are we? What am I doing here?" She couldn't think straight. All she knew was she had to get out of there.

"Not to worry dear Nikki, I just brought you here to have some fun," Jesper said and he walked up to her.

"Please, untie me. I don't want to do this," Nikki mumbled, feeling like she could pass out any second.

"Sorry Nikki, but I'm afraid I can't do that," Jesper said and he ran his fingers through her hair.

She tried to turn away from him, but she could barely move and suddenly he was all over her. He started touching her, kissing her and she was desperately fighting to get him off, but she could feel her strength fading away from her body.

"What are you doing? Jesper, stop!" He ripped what little clothes there were left on, off her body and got rid of his own trousers too.

"Please, Jesper, stop! Stop! No!" she screamed, but he wouldn't stop. Instead he started handling her even rougher.

"Jespeeeer!"

With a loud scream Nikki woke up and sat up straight. She was gasping for air and her whole body was shaking heavily. She was all sweaty and felt like she had to throw up. Quickly she got out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom. She hung over the toilet and tried to control herself again so she could avoid throwing up. It worked and after fifteen minutes she finally managed to get up again. Still shaking, she walked back to her bedroom and sat down on her bed.

Every time she fell asleep she was forced to relive the events from that night and she just couldn't take it anymore. Now she finally realized, she had to get help from someone. It was simply not possible to face this on her own. Not anymore. Her eyes filled with tears and she felt alone, so alone…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

After she'd had a shower and put on some clean clothes, Nikki called Dr. Astini's office again and made an appointment this time. She was scheduled for a session in two days, on Friday.

After she had hung up the phone, she started thinking about what she should do until then. She figured it might help if she wrote down everything that had happened between her and… him. That way she could put everything straight for herself. I'll start after dinner, she told herself. She decided to go out for a walk first.

Just when she had put on her coat and walked to the door, the home phone started ringing. At first she was wondering whether to pick up or not. As she figured it could be Harry or Leo, she rushed back to the coffee table and picked up the phone.

"Nikki Alexander speaking," she said.

"Hi it's me. How are you feeling?" sounded Harry's voice.

"Fine," she lied. "I was just about to go out for a walk."

"Oh, OK, good," Harry sounded relieved that Nikki sounded normal. "Uh yes well, Leo and I were just wondering how you were, so that's good."

"As you just told me... Harry, are you checking up on me?" Nikki said, becoming suspicious.

"What?" sounded at the other side. "No, should I?"

"No, sorry, that's just me, never mind," Nikki said apologetically, actually just happy he called.

"OK, well, I take it you will not be coming to work tomorrow?" Harry asked.

"No, I don't think so… Could you pass that on to Leo for me?"

"Yes of course, no problemo… Ehm would you like me to drop by somewhere this evening? Or tomorrow perhaps?"

"Yes tonight would be great. Do you like Chinese?" Nikki felt more comfortable, now she wouldn't have to spend the whole evening on her own.

"Yes sure, why not. Shall I be here around 6.30? Then I'll get the food on my way to you."

"Okay, we have a deal. See you," and Nikki hung up the phone. For a moment she forgot about everything she was dealing with and she could feel the warmth in her heart. Unfortunately that moment didn't last long…

She decided not to go out for a walk after all and instead she would make a start on writing everything down straight away. She got a notepad from the cupboard and searched her bag for a pen. Then she sat down at the table, took a deep breath and started writing.

It had all started a few months ago, probably about four. It was on a Friday afternoon she'd first met him. She had taken the afternoon off and she and Harry had arranged a meeting in a pub for a drink somewhere after dinner, around 8.

She got in a bit early and got herself a drink while she was waiting for Harry. After about half an hour, when Harry had still not arrived, her phone started ringing. She reached in her pocket, saw it was Harry calling and picked up.

"Were you planning on joining me or what?" she asked on a slightly irritated tone.

"Sorry, Nikki, but something has come up at work. I won't be able to make it tonight, it's probably going to be a late one, sorry…"

"Oh," she was disappointed. "Well okay then.. good luck at work and I'll see you on Monday then…"

"Okay. Nikki, have a great weekend and see you Monday."

"Yeah thanks, you too…" she hung up.

Why did this always have to be like this? Every time they planned to do something together, _something _would come up. Maybe we just aren't meant to be, she thought.

She finished her drink and just when she wanted to get up to leave, a voice said:

"Excuse me, but may I join you?"

Nikki looked up and saw a tall man, standing beside her table.

"Ehm, well I actually I was just leaving…" she said, slightly hesitating. The bloke looked friendly enough and he was actually quite handsome, with blond hair and beautiful green eyes.

"Well.. are you sure? I'm having a drink anyway, so if you'd like to join me..?" he said and he smiled at her.

She still wasn't sure what to do.

"Well," she said slowly. "Okay then, since you're asking." She smiled back at him.

"Okay then, great. My name is Jesper by the way," he said and he held out his hand.

"Nikki," she said, while she took his hand and shook it.

At first she felt a bit awkward, but after a while they got talking. He told her he was a firefighter, but that he really wanted to become a surgeon one day. Unfortunately he hadn't managed to get into the program for medicine when he had finished school.

He asked her what she did for a living. She told him she was a forensic pathologist and that originally she came South-Africa. He was impressed and wanted to know all about her work; something that surprised her. Usually, when a man she was dating with heard, she 'cut up' bodies for a living, they backed off straight away. With this guy, it was the complete opposite, which was a nice change.

In fact, she really had a great evening with this Jesper.

It even got quite late; they said goodbye well past 11 and Jesper had asked her phone number, which she was only happy to give him.

She remembered thinking: this could finally be the one for me, even though it had just been one night, but still.

Right now she couldn't believe how she could ever have imagined herself with him, married, with three children and a dog… It made her feel sick again, but luckily this time her thinking got intercepted by someone knocking on her door.

Harry had arrived.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

Right after opening the door to let Harry in, Nikki could smell the lovely Chinese food.

"I'm really grateful you could drop by, Harry," she said and she hugged him.

"Well of course," Harry said and they looked each other in the eye. "Let's have some lovely dinner."

Nikki set the table for them while Harry took a look at her notepad.

"Really good you are doing this," he said and he gave her a comforting smile.

"Yes, well… I didn't really have a choice, did I?" she said.

"Yes, I know, but I still am very proud of you."

She smiled back and they sat down.

Nikki really enjoyed having someone around again. Being home alone all the time only made her feel miserable and sad. The fact that it was Harry was even a bigger plus.

Harry really took her mind off things. They spoke about nothing important really and that was really good.

After dinner, he joked: "Wow, I still think you are great cook, Nikki."

She giggled. "Well, I had to cook for good company, so that wasn't too hard… Do you.. think you could drop by tomorrow?"

"Yeah sure, but of course it will be after work."

"Well, okay, see you tomorrow then," she said, looking forward to seeing him again already.

He walked up to her and gently pulled her close. "You sleep well and if there's anything, anything at all, you know you can always call me at any time." He added a smile.

"Yes, I know… Thanks," she said and she hugged him again. When he put his arms around her she felt like she was in the safest place in the whole world.

When he'd left she kept standing at the door for a few minutes, trying to hold onto that feeling of safety, but that was fading away every second. She looked at the clock which was hanging on the wall left to her. It showed it was 8.13.

She wondered what she should do next. Maybe just watch some mindless TV? Continue writing? Or try to sleep? That last thing she definitely wasn't going to do, because she knew what was going to happen when she fell asleep…

Well, just some mindless TV then, to take her mind off things.

She turned the TV on, BBC1. _Super smart animals_ was running. It was about some woman who searched the whole world for intelligent animals or something. She wasn't really watching, but only staring at the woman, who was now talking very enthusiastically about some snake species that had a very advanced sense of direction.

Nikki watched the whole program until 9.00, but then realized she hadn't taken in any information…

She decided to do some reading, something serious so she really had to focus on something.

She changed into her pyjamas and got in bed. She picked up the book she had been reading and resumed, on page 58.

It took her only a few minutes to realise this wasn't working either. The only solution was to go to sleep and hope she would have a nice dream for a change. She put the book aside and closed her eyes without turning the lights off, because that way she felt more comfortable. After just a few minutes she fell asleep.

Light reached Nikki's eyes. Slowly she opened them and looked around. She glanced at her watch, which lay on top of her bedside table. What she saw surprised her; it was past 11 am! And she didn't recall having any nightmares last night.

She actually slept through the night for the first time in weeks! Apparently, Harry's visit the day before did make her feel better, not just on the surface, but also, unknowingly, deeper inside.

All this made her feel a little stronger again and she decided to continue writing straight away, after she'd had a shower and some breakfast of course. She still couldn't believe the effects of Harry's visit. Or perhaps it was something completely different or just a stupid coincidence, but this was the only thing she could think of anyway.

She got out of bed, did all the things she needed to do and sat down at the table again with her notepad.

Unsurprisingly, her mood shifted to the complete opposite again right after writing down the first word, but she realised she really had to do this, because in the end she would only feel better. At least, that was what she was hoping for…

She would rather just skip the rest of the day until Harry arrived. If only she would be able to do that...


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

In the weeks after that first meeting, Nikki started seeing Jesper more and more often and her feelings about Jesper kept getting better and better.

In the meantime Nikki didn't tell Harry or Leo anything about it, which she felt slightly guilty about.

But of course, Harry and Leo knew something was going on. It was clearly visible Nikki was very happy, as she just couldn't stop smiling.

So, about three weeks after Nikki and Jesper's first meeting, Harry decided to ask her. Because if she'd got a boyfriend, as he suspected, he would really want to know about it, obviously.

It was on a Monday morning and he had actually been thinking about the matter the whole weekend.

He got at work early and was already sitting at his desk when Nikki came in, who was a bit late, which was unusual.

"Good morning," he said nonchalantly.

"Hi, stranger," she said and she walked up to him. "How was your weekend? What have you been up to?"

"Oh, fine really, nothing much.. So what about you?" he asked, hoping she would finally say something to him about it.

"Uhm.. well, pretty much the same actually." Harry noticed she looked away, so he knew she was not telling _something_.

"Are you sure?" he asked and he smiled at her in a way that showed he knew something was going on.

Now she blushed, which truly confirmed Harry's suspicions.

"How long have you known?" she asked, and she looked at him in some kind of apologetic way.

"Well, known for the past minute, but I have been suspecting.." He showed her a gentle smile, to let her know he wasn't upset or angry because she had failed to tell him anything that had been going on. "By the way, was that also the reason for running late?" he added.

Now her face turned really red.

"Y-yes," she said and now she really couldn't look him in the eye anymore and she quickly got over to her desk and got 'busy' straight away.

Harry decided it was enough and just turned back to his work again.

Nikki still felt a bit guilty. She really should have told him right when it had really started, but she just couldn't without really knowing why.

The Wednesday after that, Nikki and Jesper went out for dinner somewhere. Again, Nikki had such a great time and she just couldn't believe she had finally come across someone like him. She felt truly blessed and in utterly love and she kept feeling he might be the one for her, even though they still hadn't known each other for that long. He was just so… different from anyone else she had ever dated and he kept surprising her with gifts and ideas to go to nice restaurants and other places. They never had to argue about everything, because they agreed on pretty much everything, which could be totally different with Harry sometimes, Nikki remembered thinking at some point.

She started spending more and more time with Jesper and even took a day off sometimes, to go somewhere nice, or just to chill out in one of their apartments.

This also caused some sort of detachment between her and Harry and of course Leo, which, at that moment, she didn't really notice.

Now, thinking about the moment she finally realized she felt like she'd lost Harry made her feel really sad and she couldn't keep the tears inside. She just couldn't help it anymore. Especially now, she just couldn't imagine how miserable she would be if she lost Harry right now.

All this also made her feel very angry again, about everything Jesper had done to her. Fortunately, he couldn't hurt her anymore, well not physically at least… Thinking of him in a way of 'not being there anymore', caused a physical reaction. She ran to the toilet and threw up. She tried not to, but the memories of that night overwhelmed her again. Because him raping her and basically betraying her was not all that had happened that night…

She forced herself not to think about it any minute longer and got up again. Her legs were all shaky and she had to hold on to the sink not to fall over, while she was trying to calm down again. She looked in the mirror and saw a scared, woman whose face was pale, who didn't want to face all of this anymore, someone who's had enough of this. But she just had to.. she had to get rid of this parasite once and for all and the only way to do that was to face it.. all of it. Hopefully this Dr. Astini would be able to help her.

She had calmed down a bit and walked back to the living room and sat down again. There was much more to write down on that piece of paper in front of her, but right now she really had to take a break. She decided to go out for a walk and getting something to eat on the way to.. somewhere.. She even considered visiting the office for a second, but she refrained from that idea, because it would probably only make them worry about her even more. And of course, she would see Harry anyway that evening, so he would only want to know if something was wrong or something.

Anyway, that wasn't an option, so she would just make her way to the park or something…


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

When she returned from her walk and had had some lunch, fortunately Nikki was feeling a lot better. She figured she could actually do some more writing until Harry came by.

Well, so back to that period in which she was really happy with Jesper. That period had ended abruptly. Actually only one week after that conversation with Harry, Nikki found out Jesper was actually exactly the same as all those other, stupid men.

She was supposed to meet him at his place on a Thursday evening. She arrived a bit early, because she was just bored at home and she figured it wouldn't make a difference if she came by an hour early. He had said he didn't have anything else planned that afternoon…

When she got there, there was a car parked outside and Nikki knew it wasn't Jesper's.

With her previous experiences she just couldn't resist. She walked up to the kitchen window and peered through the window. At first she couldn't see anyone or anything moving inside, but after a few seconds Jesper walked into her view, together with some woman Nikki had never seen before.

Nikki started thinking about who it might be. It couldn't be a sister, because Jesper had none.. Well at least he had never told Nikki about having any.

Then Jesper started kissing the other woman, very passionately. Nikki took a step back. She was deeply shocked. This couldn't be happening! Jesper loved _her _and he was _her _boyfriend! Who the hell was this other woman? Why was this happening? Again?

For a minute she stood there, thinking about what she should do; confront him right now, walk away and never speak to him again or just pretend nothing had happened?

She decided she was going to confront him right then and there. He'd better have a good explanation for this!

She walked up to the door and rang the doorbell. For a minute she thought he would ignore the bell ringing and just get on with what he was.. 'doing', but 15 seconds later, the door was opened. By Jesper.

"Nikki… hi!" he said, clearly shocked by her early appearance.

"Hi," she said and she looked him coldly in the eye. "You'd better have a very good explanation for this.."

"Ehm.. well.. she is.. kind of an ex.." he said, trying to keep her calm.

"Well, not really an 'ex' right? Or am I completely wrong?" she said and she could feel an outburst coming.

"Uhm.. well, actually.. she just came over and.. well.. she just started.. she's clearly been missing me," he said, obviously hoping Nikki hadn't seen the bit where _he _was clearly the one that started.

"You.. damn bastard.. stop lying and tell me the truth," Nikki said softly, trying to stay calm.

"Just as I said.. it was just a one off.. I swear!" he called desperately trying to convince her of his innocence.

But she wasn't going for it. In fact, it pissed her off real bad.

"I'm going to leave now, and I never want to see you ever again," she said calmly, but actually fuming with anger. She turned around and started walking away still trying not to burst out. How could he have done this to her?

"Nikki!" he called and he came after her. "Nikki, wait! This will never happen again, okay?"

She stopped and turned around.

"No! Not with me anyway!" she shouted at him.

He had caught up with her and took her hands.

"Nikki, please, I beg you.. give me one more chance? Please?"

"I said never want to see you again, so let go of me and leave me alone!" she yelled at him.

But he didn't. He pulled her close and whispered in her ear:

"You are going to regret this."

Then he released her, walked back to the house and got in, leaving a disordered Nikki behind.

She didn't understand what had just happened. The man of her dreams just cheated on her, she broke up with him for that and he actually threatened her just a minute ago.

Should she take that seriously or had it just been a heat of the moment thing?

She really couldn't be sure. But she was sure that this relationship was over, no matter what he was going to try to make it up to her. She had really thought he was the one for her and yet he started cheating on her only a few weeks into their relationship. And there was nothing he could do or say to reassure her that this would not happen again in the future.

She drove home and sat down with a glass, later a bottle of wine. Only now she realized how much he'd hurt her with betraying her like that. For a minute she thought about calling Harry, but what difference could he make at that moment? Plus, they hadn't really been in touch outside work lately, so it would be a bit strange, her calling him, mellow, to tell him she had broken up with her boyfriend who he had never even seen! No, that would be absurd…

The best thing to do was just to go to sleep and to think about all this the next day…

Nikki's writing got intercepted by the phone ringing.

For a few seconds she had to listen where the sound came from; the couch. She walked up to it and picked up.

"Nikki Alexander speaking," she said.

"Hi, it's me," Harry said at the other end of the line.

"Oh hi! I was just wondering how late you are going to be here?"

"Ehm that's why I called: I can't come over tonight.. Now you are not at the office, Leo and I have much more things to do, so we both have to work late tonight.. I'm sorry…"

Nikki was really disappointed, because she had been looking forward so much for him coming over.

"Oh.. well that's a pity," she said. She didn't want him to know she was so disappointed. "Well okay, good luck then at work and see you later?"

"Thanks, yes see you tomorrow or something, I will call you," he said and he hung up straight away.

Well then… she was going to be all alone again that evening… not a very good prospect…


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7.

Nikki was sitting on the couch, thinking of what to do the rest of the evening.. Of course she couldn't give Leo a call either, as he and Harry were both going to be working late that evening.

She actually didn't have anyone else who knew about everything that had happened, so there was no one else who could be with her now.

She took a look at her watch and noticed it was about time for supper already. She decided not to cook and she called the pizzeria for a delivery.

It took about 30 minutes for the pizza to arrive and when she finally opened the pizza box she didn't feel like eating anything at all. She knew she had to, but she was already so afraid for the coming night.. She just couldn't eat..

Instead of eating, Nikki got back to writing. She knew it would probably only make her feel worse, but she felt miserable already anyway and there wasn't anything else to do, so she might as well just get on with it.

So, the first few days after she had broken up with him, Jesper didn't try to make contact in any way and Nikki was just glad it was all over. She had decided not to spend any more thought on the matter. Just when she thought she would never hear from him again, one night, he called her on her mobile phone when she was reading some case file she brought to her apartment.

When her phone started ringing, she could see it was Jesper calling. She hesitated whether to pick up or not. After all, she was finished with their relationship and to her this chapter had ended, but there was still something. She got curious and answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi Nikki. Oh it's so good to finally hear your voice again," sounded on the other side.

For a few seconds she just didn't know what to say.. He sounded like nothing happened a few days ago.

"Are you still there?" Jesper asked.

"Yes.." Nikki said hesitantly. "Jesper… what do you want from me?" she asked, being very cautious with her tone.

"What do you mean? We are on together, yeah? So what do you say? Dinner, tomorrow evening at Stanley's?" he asked, still like everything was normal.

"Jesper," Nikki said slowly. "What I said to you last Thursday still applies. You hurt me so much by what you did, so I never want to see you again," she said calmly, hoping not to upset him.

"Oh come on, I said I was sorry, right? So stop playing games and just say yes!" He had raised his voice.

"Jesper, why won't you just listen to me? I said it was over and I never wanted to see or hear from you ever again! So stop calling me and leave me alone!" she yelled and she hung up the phone.

After a few seconds, her phone started ringing again, but this time she didn't even think about answering and ignored his call. He seriously kept on calling for the next thirty minutes, until she just couldn't take it anymore. She picked up and shouted:

"If you don't stop calling I'll call the police!"

"Uhm, Nikki? Is that you?" Harry's voice sounded.

Oh this was just great. Now Harry knew she had broken up with Jesper and this would give him a reason to worry about her and harass her with all kinds of stupid questions..

"Yes, hi Harry," she said calmly, like she just picked up and nothing happened.

"What's wrong, Nikki? Something up with your boyfriend?" He sounded worried already, she thought.

"No everything is just _fine_, thank you. So, why are you calling?" she said, trying to distract him.

"Uhm, o yes, about the Lloyd case.. ehm I'm at the office right now and I can't find the dossier. Do you happen to know where it is?" he said and she could hear he wasn't impressed by her defence, but at least he had stopped asking annoying questions.

"As a matter of fact, I took it home with me today, because I wanted to have another look at it before tomorrow," she said, hoping he hadn't been looking for it too long.

"Ah, great minds think alike, my thoughts exactly," he said. "But are you sure you are okay? That didn't sound _fine_ at all, just so you know," he said and she knew by saying those words he expected an explanation from her.

"Well… actually we broke up a few days ago.." she wasn't going to give the reason. "And now he won't stop calling me.."

"O dear… I'm sorry Nikki," Harry sounded heartfelt. He understood he shouldn't ask why.

They both went quiet for a few seconds.

Then Nikki said: "Thanks… well, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes.. sleep tight Nikki.. and think about your boyfriend.. maybe you should give him another chance? If he won't stop calling you at least he really wants you two to get back together?" Harry was obviously trying very hard to be there for her, for the first time in a while. Of course, Nikki knew she was definitely not giving Jesper another chance, but she was grateful Harry was trying to help.

"Yeah I might," she lied. "Thanks Harry." She hung up.

Nikki stopped writing and decided to go to bed, even though she was afraid of doing so. Processing all this information and going through all these emotions again made her feel very tired, so she just had to get some sleep. She changed into her pyjamas, got in bed and closed her eyes, fearing whatever was coming next.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

She just couldn't manage to fall asleep. She just didn't want to go through it all again she had just had enough and she would rather stay up all night. She got out of bed again and walked up to the couch.

What was she going to do if she wasn't going to sleep at all? Watch television? Read a book? Those things hadn't really worked so far…

Instead she just sat there and though about the next day, when she had to meet with Dr. Astini at 11 am. She was wondering what she could expect from that. Was this person really able to help her deal with all this? She preferred to doubt that… If she expected nothing, the result would always be positive, at least a bit.

Without doing anything she sat there for another hour or so and then all of a sudden she got up and walked straight to her notepad, which still lay on the table. She sat down and started writing again.

After all those phone calls that one evening, Jesper went quiet for a few days and Nikki figured he must had got the message. She was doing fine again and hadn't really given him any thought, until she came home one night. When she walked in she saw she had a message on the answer machine. She thought it was probably Harry, who had forgotten something. She pressed the button; the first few seconds she could only hear a lot of noise on the other side, without anyone speaking. Then she heard a voice which she recognized immediately, which caused her to freeze.. it was Jesper.

"_Hi there Nikki. I know you're not in at the moment, but I know you will get the message eventually._" He laughed in a way she had never hear him laugh before. "_You think by shouting at me the other day I would stop loving you and caring about you, but you're very wrong about that I must say. I really need to see you again and I want to feel you again and I'm going to make that happen, with or without your permission. So if you could just forgive for that one stupid mistake, you could save yourself a lot of trouble, sweetheart._" Then he had hung up.

Nikki just stood there for a moment, still frozen. It was true, he was just a psycho. That night, when they had broken up, he said she was going to regret it. At first she thought it had just been a heat of the moment thing, but after hearing this, she realized he was bloody serious about this. She panicked. What was she going to do? Call the police? Tell them there was a crazy psycho on the loose? No that was ridiculous. Call Harry? Ask him for his help to deal with this? But how could he help? If she told him about everything that had happened she was sure he would also just tell her to go to the police, so that was not an option either. She had to deal with this alone, she had to make clear he had to back off because if he didn't, she _was _going to call the police and he surely wouldn't want that.

But how was she going to make that clear? Shouting at him hadn't helped her so far, neither just telling him calmly. Maybe she should send him a letter? Then he could just read everything and process it without having to respond straight away. Well, she could at least try and she was going to do it right then and there.

After scratching out a lot and changing it about 100 times, she was finally satisfied.

_Jesper,_

_I know you still want us to get together again, but I just can't. You have hurt me in such a way I just can't see us getting back together again. Seeing you with that other woman just broke my heart and I'm sorry, but there is nothing you can do to mend it again._

_So please Jesper, let's just remember the good times that we've had together and just leave it there for both our sakes. We have to move on with our lives, it is not healthy to stick to the past._

_But I just want you to know, I have loved you immensely. You were the best thing that had ever happened to me, but now it is over and I ask you to never contact me again._

_I hope you understand and I'm truly sorry._

_Nikki_

She posted it the next day and was pleased to notice the message was clear now, because she didn't hear anything for the next weeks. She was so relieved she had settled this herself without any further trouble from the police or Harry.

In those weeks she was able to get closer to Harry again. She realized she had neglected their friendship and apologized to him for that. He was only glad he finally had the old Nikki back, so he didn't really care about anything that had happened.

Just when everything had gone back to normal, everything changed again.

It had been a Monday as every other when Nikki got home after working late. She was totally exhausted and she couldn't wait to get into bed when she got up the stairs that led to hear apartment. When she finally opened the door she walked in with a deep sigh. She walked straight through to her bedroom and laid down. She felt like she could fall asleep straight away, but she forced herself to change and brush her teeth first. When she had put on her pyjamas and was finally brushing her teeth, she thought about the great bond she had with Harry. She was so grateful it had been able to hold, even with her neglecting it for quite a long time. She rinsed her mouth and washed her face. She looked up in the mirror and screamed like she had never done before.

In the reflection she saw Jesper. She turned around and there he was, looking furious.

"Hello sweetheart," he said and looked her in a way she couldn't understand.

"Jesper, please go away," she whispered and she faltered backwards, trying to get away from him, into the bedroom.

Calmly he walked after her. "What are you doing? You don't need to be afraid, you know that."

He pushed her onto the bed and got on top of her.

Nikki was paralyzed. She tried to push him away, but her muscles weren't cooperating. She had trouble breathing and she saw his face getting closer.

He started kissing her neck and Nikki realized she had to do something, but she just couldn't move. Just as she thought she was lost, he put his mouth beside her ear and whispered so soft she could just hear it: "I told you you were going to regret it."

She totally blacked out and almost passed out. After a few minutes she opened her eyes and noticed she was alone again. Jesper had gone.

She still couldn't breathe properly and her whole body was shocking. Her pyjamas were soaked with sweat and she had to just lie there for a very long time before her breathing had gone back to normal. She slowly sat up. Then she realized she didn't hear the door close.

She got up, which wasn't easy because her legs were shaking like hell and walked out of her bedroom into the living room. She looked behind every object in the living room, the kitchen and the bathroom and concluded he had really gone. She got back to the bedroom and down on her bed. She sunk down and fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9.

The next morning, after barely having slept, she woke up far too early. For some reason she had the feeling he was there, in her apartment. She got out of bed straight away and searched her whole apartment again, but no sign of him anywhere.

Suddenly last night's events made her wonder how he had even managed to get in! She had never given him a spare key; she never did that. Maybe he had found out the position of her spare key? She got to the hallway and checked the spot. The key was still there, but she took it anyway, just to be sure.

That day she wasn't able to focus on work. Jesper words kept haunting her. "I told you you were going to regret it."

Of course Harry noticed and when he asked her if anything was up tse didn't even _think_ about telling him about _anything_ that had happened the night before. He wasn't satisfied with her clearly nonsense answers and through the day he kept trying to make her tell him.

Then, at about 7 pm, when they had finally finished everything and Harry and Nikki were the only two left in the Lyell Centre, she decided to tell him.

They sat down and she started.

"I saw Jesper again last night."

"What?" he said, clearly very surprised. "I thought you broke up a few weeks ago?"

"Well... yes, we did..." she said hesitantly, still not sure whether to tell everything or not.

"But? Do you want to get back together again?" Harry asked, really hoping she would say no.

"No of course not! I told him, again and again, it's over and I actually said, well shouted, that I never wanted to see him again!" she cried and she started to panic again.

"Nikki," Harry said and he looked her in the eye. "What happened last night?"

She couldn't contain her tears any longer and just let them go.

"H-he threatened me.." she sobbed.

"What? No..." Harry said deeply shocked.

"Y-yes.. and it w-wasn't.. the first time.. The n-night we broke up.. h-he said I-I was.. going t-to regret it.. A-and l-later.. on the ph-phone.."

Now she really burst out into tears.

"Aw Nikki.." Harry said compassionately. "Why didn't you tell me earlier? You know you can always call me and tell me anything, right?"

Nikki just kept on sobbing.

"Right?" Harry said again to make it real clear to her.

She nodded and tried to smile. This only made it worse and she started crying even louder.

"Oh come here," Harry said and he put his arms around her.

He just said there, maybe for half an hour, trying to comfort her in any way he could.

After that he tried to convince her to go to the police, but she just couldn't put herself to do that. There was still _something_ about Jesper..

In the end though, he got her to promise to at least call him if Jesper made contact again and to be really careful in the future. He tried to convince her to call the police if anything else happened like what had happened the night before.

After that emotional few hours Harry brought Nikki home and made sure she was safe and sound in her apartment before he left. He couldn't help thinking about all the things that could happen to her. In some way she was just blinded by this guy, this Jesper, and Harry just couldn't figure out why. So far Nikki had never really had trouble backing away from ex-boyfriends, but this guy was different...

Nikki had stopped writing and put down her pen. By then, after the night Jesper had invaded her apartment, she was getting really close to the point of no return which she would find out fairly soon.

At that point Nikki didn't want to write any more, because she knew what was coming next...

She looked at the clock; by then it was 4.13 am.

She yawned and noticed she started to feel quite tired after all that writing and processing..

What was she going to do next? She should really keep writing, but she just couldn't put herself to pick up the pen again. She could try to read a book again for a change? But no, that book was way too thrilling for her to read it now.

She had an idea. She should watch one of those feel-good movies which could be able to enlighten her spirit so she had the courage to continue writing. She took a look at her movie stash in the cupboard and decided she was going to watch _Notting Hill_. Of course she had already seen it about 142 times, but it was still a great movie and she really liked Hugh Grant in it.

She got on the couch and put it on. She was actually able to really enjoy it until the very last minute. While watching the credits and waiting for Hugh's name to pop up, which she always did, she slowly slipped into a deep sleep..


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10.

Everything around her was dark as Nikki opened her eyes. She blinked a few times, but she was still surrounded by complete darkness. She held her hands in front of her face, but wasn't able to see them.

She walked a few steps forward, but still her vision didn't change.

"Hello? Is there anyone here?" she called and she heard her voice echoing.

There came no answer.

"Please? Anyone?" she called louder, which caused her own voice to fill her head completely.

She put her hands over her ears, sat down and put her face against her knees.

"Of course I'm here, Nikki," a voice said. She looked around, but she couldn't locate the source and the echoes made her feel frightened.

"I'll always be there, Nikki," the voice said. Now Nikki heard it was Jesper.

"You'll never be alone, sweetheart," he said, his voice echoing inside her head.

She tried to exclude his voice, but instead it kept getting deeper and deeper inside her head, until a point where she just couldn't take it anymore.

"Go away!" she shouted.

"Nikki, darling, don't you understand? I'll be with you, always," Jesper whispered and he added an evil laugh.

"No! Go away and leave me alone!" Nikki yelled. She got up and started running, although she still couldn't see a thing.

"You can't get away.. you try and you'll regret it.." Jesper sounded even louder, in a way that really scared her.

"NO!" she screamed and started sprinting, as if her life depended on it.

"I said you were going to regret it..." echoed Jesper's voice in a whisper.

Then, all of a sudden, something appeared right in front of her, something she knew was bad. She couldn't stop running and she knew she was going to collide with it. At the last moment she could see it was Jesper.

"Noooooooo!" she yelled as she was heading straight into his arms.

"Noooooo!" Nikki screamed while she woke up and sat up straight. She was gasping for air, like she really had been running for her life. She turned on the light; she needed light, she needed to be able to see everything again.

It took her a few minutes to realise she was safe inside her own bedroom and that nothing was the matter. But for some reason she still didn't feel at ease. She had never had this nightmare before, ever.. There had to be a reason this had been the first time she dreamt all this.. Maybe she could discuss this with that psychologist in a few hours. She looked at her watch; it was 7.56 am now, so she'd better just get up, get a very long shower and some good breakfast..

She could feel that every day she had less energy than the day before, but that made sense of course; she was barely sleeping. Moreover, if she _did_ manage to fall asleep, she always found herself waking up in a nightmare, which really didn't contribute to a good night's sleep…

Just as she got out of the shower she could hear her phone ringing. She rushed towards the living room to get it and picked up.

"Nikki Alexander."

"You sound quite tired I have to say," sounded Harry's voice on the other side. Nikki's mood changed instantly.

"Tell me something I don't know.." she joked.

"Eehmm.. Let me see.. Oh, Leo has to do community service again.."

"What? Really? What for this time? Not drunk driving again?" she chuckled.

"He won't say, too embarrassed I think," Harry said and Nikki could hear he enjoyed that fact. "But anyway, how have you been holding up? I still am so sorry for not coming over.."

"Ah just.. forget about that.. Well, haven't really been sleeping, have had yet another nightmare last night and I look like a ghost now.." Nikki said without hesitation.

"Oh.. well, you'll always look better than all of them dead people around here.." Harry said and Nikki laughed. "But I hope this psychologist will be able to help you, but I guess you shouldn't expect too much from it, especially as it's your first meeting."

"Yeah I know, but I really hope this woman can help me.. Otherwise I really wouldn't know what to do anymore.."

Suddenly Nikki felt a wave of anxiety going through her head. What _was_ she going to do if this didn't work?

"Nikki.. Just relax, it's her job to help you so she will probably be able to help you," Harry said quickly, hoping to reassure her.

"Yeah well.. we'll see.."

"Would you like drop by in my lunch break? Then we could go through everything you've talked about," Harry suggested.

"Ehm…" Nikki hesitated. Perhaps she would rather be alone after all that.

"Well, just give me a call if you want me to come over and I'll be there at around 12.30, okay?"

"Okay, Harry. Talk to you soon, okay?"

"Yeah, good luck Nikki," Harry said and he hung up.

After that conversation Nikki got dressed, had breakfast and got ready to go out. She tried to make herself look okay, but by now she had big bags under her eyes which she wasn't able to conceal any more. Well, what did it matter anyway? She wasn't going out for a job interview or something..

While she was waiting until it was time to go out, she spent her time fervently hoping that this was going to be the turning point of all this..

When it was finally time to go out, she got her back and coat and went out.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11.

Nikki arrived 20 minutes early at Dr. Astini's practice and just sat in her car until it was time to go inside.

"Welcome miss Alexander," Dr. Astini said, just getting back from another consult. She held out her hand.

"Hi," Nikki said while shaking it.

"Shall we?"

She took Nikki to a room where they could sit down. The room was clearly decorated in such a way that it would make people feel comfortable.

Nikki took off her coat and sat down.

"I'm just going to get some coffee. Would you like some? Or tea?"

"Yes, coffee thanks," Nikki said.

Just another way of making me feel at ease, she thought when Dr. Astini left the room to get some coffee. No! Give it a chance Nikki, she said to herself.

After a few minutes Dr. Astini came back and sat down in the chair opposite of Nikki's.

"Well, welcome and my name is Rachel by the way," she said.

Nikki didn't say anything and they just sat there for a few minutes, drinking their coffee.

"Where would you like to start, Nikki?" she asked.

Still, Nikki couldn't get herself to say anything.

"Nikki? If you won't say anything I can't help you."

"I don't know," Nikki said. "I just want to be able to sleep and work again."

"Of course, I understand that, Nikki.. How do you think we could accomplish that?"

"I don't know, that's why I am here, aren't I?" Nikki responded a bit annoyed.

"Yes we are, but to be able to help you, I need you to help me understand how you are feeling," Rachel said. "Could you tell me since when and why you haven't been able to sleep and work?"

Nikki really didn't want to do this all over again. When she had to tell Harry everything she just kept on crying and crying and she really didn't feel like doing that up here..

"Something.. happened.." she said hesitantly.

"Okay.." Rachel said slowly. "When?"

"A few weeks ago.." Nikki said, so far managing to keep calm.

"How have you been feeling those past few weeks?" Rachel asked.

"Alone.." Nikki said softly.

"Do you know what caused you to feel like this? Has anything in your life changed recently?"

"Yes you could say that," Nikki said sarcastically. If only she knew!

"Could you tell me what?" Rachel said, clearly not having a clue what had happened to Nikki.

"My boyfriend and I ehm.. we.." Immediately after saying the word 'boyfriend' she felt speaking getting harder. "We split.." she decided her sentence.

"Hmm... how long had you been dating?"

It took Nikki a few seconds to answer.

"About two months.."

"How did it end?" Rachel asked, trying to get through to her.

Again, Nikki needed some time to think of what to say.

"Bad.."

The images of that night, which had implanted themselves into her memory, started running in front of her eyes again. She closed her eyes and tried to exclude herself from her surroundings by covering her ears with her hands. Closing her eyes didn't help; the images became clearer and clearer and suddenly it was like she was back in that room again.

"Nikki!" she heard someone calling from far away. "Nikki!"

She opened her eyes again and was back in the room with Dr. Astini, who was looking at her with concern.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

Nikki took her hands off her ears again and noticed they were shaking, just like the rest of her body.

"Y-yes," she said while she was trying to sip her coffee, but her hands were shaking so heavily she had to put the cup straight down again to avoid spilling any of her coffee.

"So.. could you tell me what happened with your boyfriend? For what reason did you break up?" Rachel asked gently.

Desperately trying to calm down again Nikki nodded. Not telling now was not going to solve anything, so she should just get on with it.

"Do I really need to tell you?" she asked.  
>Rachel looked at her quizzically.<p>

"Well, I've also written all of it down.." Nikki said, really hoping Rachel would say yes.

"Is it really that bad you don't want to talk about it to me?"

"Yes, it is," Nikki said, still taking deep breaths to calm down again.

"Well, if that's really how you want to tell me, I can't disagree. Though you will have to talk about it eventually. You know that, don't you?" Rachel said and looked at Nikki in a way a strict teacher sometimes looks at her pupils.

"Yes, I realise that," Nikki said softly while she was getting ready to get up again from her chair. "Shall I.. drop them here at reception?"

"Yes, okay, as soon as?" Rachel said.

"Well I've not written everything down yet, so the last bit will come later, okay?"

"Or maybe we could talk about the final parts?" Rachel asked.

"Yes.. well.. maybe.."

"Well alright then. I hope you have a nice day and be sure to drop it off sometime this afternoon," Rachel said and she held out her hand again.

"Yes I will.. bye.." Nikki said while she shook it.

Only from the moment she got outside again, Nikki was fully able to relax again and she took a few deep breaths while on her way to her car. She decided she needed to hear Harry's voice, so after she'd got back into her car she phoned him straight away.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12.

First Nikki called Harry on his mobile phone, which went straight to voicemail. She decided not to leave a message; instead she would call the office. It rang a few times before someone answered.

"Home office Pathology department," a familiar voice answered which brought her joy.

"Hi Leo," Nikki almost called out.

"Nikki! How are you?" Leo also sounded like he was glad to hear her voice again.

"Well.. okay, I guess.. How have you guys been doing lately?" Nikki said.

"Quite good, though the workload has become a bit heavier now you aren't here and we miss you of course.. But have you been to see Dr. Astini yet?" Leo asked.

"Well actually I've just got out of the session, I'm sitting in the car now."

"Ah.. So how did it go?"

"We talked.. a bit.." Nikki said, not sure whether to give any details.

"So do you feel like it has done you any good?" Leo asked, clearly not giving up.

"Well I don't know.. Need to do some thinking and perhaps we should talk again.."

"Yes I understand.. A bit too soon to tell of course."

"Yeah.. by the way, what did I hear? You having to do community service again?" she asked with a laugh.

It went quiet for a few seconds on the other side.

"Eeehmm, yes I do," Leo said reluctantly.

"Really? I thought Harry was just joking! Why then?" Nikki asked, still laughing.

"Well.. Nothing really, it was all a bit silly.." Leo sounded embarrassed.

"Hmm okay then, won't ask any more. Oh do you happen to know where Harry is by any chance?"

"Aha, so that was the real reason you called, hey?" Leo asked suspiciously.

"He said he could meet me if I wanted after my session," Nikki said, ignoring his tone.

"Well unfortunately he can't; he got called away about.. 15 minutes ago," Leo said.

"Oh aha.. Could you ask him to call me when he gets back?"

"Sure I can," he said. "Oh and Nikki?"

"Yes?"

"You know you can also always call me or drop by at my place, right? Janet would only be happy to cook for you, if you don't feel like being on your own..?"

"Ah Leo you're sweet," Nikki said gratefully. "Haya." She hung up the phone.

Though it was good to speak to Leo again, Nikki still felt like she needed to talk to Harry about the session with Dr. Astini. Not on the phone, she just needed to see him, so she was hoping he would call back and drop by later that day. Also, she wondered why Leo hadn't phoned her earlier, because it didn't really make sense to have to phone someone to tell how she was doing. He had probably just been busy, as Harry had been the past few days.

She drove home with an absent mind, which almost made her cause an accident when she was almost home. Home.. The place she would normally call home didn't really feel like home at the moment.. Maybe she should just go somewhere for a few days, or weeks. Maybe she could go to South-Africa again. Sometimes, at some moments, she really missed it and sometimes she wondered what would have happened if she had decided to stay when the team was there a year ago. If she had stayed with Anton..

But now really wasn't the time to think about that. _If_ this.. _If _that.. What good could it possibly do her, longing for an escape from all this.. shit..

When she got home Nikki decided to have a bath first and do some writing after that. At least, if she could get herself to do it. She knew that perhaps she wouldn't be able to write that day, not really knowing why, but she just felt.. depressed and not up for it..

Maybe she really should go on holiday, even if it was just a few days. Just being away from all this, just for a moment.

But: first a bath and the she was going to do some writing, even if she didn't want to.

While having a bath she did some serious thinking. She realised she really needed to start talking to people.. Writing all of it down was good, but it was definitely not going to be enough though; eventually she was going to have to talk, just as the psychologist had said. But if she was going to talk to those people, especially Harry, they should really be able to talk to her too!

Of course they could call, but serious conversations like that really shouldn't be held over the phone of course, but if he was going to be this busy every day..

Well first she just had to wait for him to return her call, which could take quite a long time. If he had been called out to a murder, the police might want to have the post-mortem and the report done straight away, so he'd be busy all afternoon.

After her bath Nikki thought of her promise to bring everything she had written so far to Dr. Astini's practice; she'd almost forgotten already. She decided to do that first, so after that she would have her hands free to write all afternoon, as Harry probably wasn't going to call soon anyway. Though it was nice not to have any other obligations, the whole afternoon to herself to do some writing really wasn't something she was looking forward to.

She knew which part was coming next...


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13.

After she had come back from Dr. Astini's practice, she had to sit down for a while before she was able to put herself to write. After a while though, she caught herself on waiting for Harry to call her back.

First she was going to have some lunch; writing on an empty stomach surely wasn't going to work anyway. At first she wanted to go out for lunch, but she realised she only wanted to do that so she could postpone the moment on which she would start writing again. Instead she just made herself some sandwiches and sat down with her notepad.

For a minute she needed to think at which point she had stopped writing the day before.

Ah yes, she had just told Harry about Jesper invading her apartment that night and he had brought her back home after that..

That night, after she finally got all of that off her chest, she couldn't sleep. She kept imagining someone creeping around in her apartment, waiting for the good moment to strike, just when she let her guard down…

Of course she _knew _it was just not possible to break into her apartment; she had installed another lock on her door, from the inside, so she really _was _safe. But Jesper had implanted himself in her head somehow.. She just couldn't stop thinking about him, in fear. She decided to take a sleeping pill to make sure she would have a normal night sleep.

The following morning she felt quite good again and was just on her way out to go to work when she saw something lying on the doormat. She walked up to it and she could see that it was an envelope which just said: "Nikki". Immediately she got the uncanny feeling she knew who had brought it there..

She picked it up, not sure if she should open it or just throw it away. She stared at her name for a few seconds and she just couldn't keep her curiosity back; she _had _to open this envelope. Slowly she turned it around and pulled out its content. It was a note from Jesper, she recognised his handwriting straight away.

"_Telling will not make me go away. _

_You have had your chance.."_

She dropped it and stumbled away from it. Another threat? But why? Why wouldn't this guy just.. get the hell out of her life? And how did he know she had told Harry? Had he placed a listening device in her bag or something?

Why wasn't she able to get lucky, just for _once_? She had fallen in love with a complete lunatic, a maniac who just wouldn't take no for an answer.. She couldn't take it anymore. She sat down, pulled her legs up to her chin and she started to cry.. and wouldn't stop crying.. She just sat there for an hour until she heard her mobile phone ringing.

Anxious it could be Jesper she let it ring, until it stopped. A few seconds later it started again. She walked up to her handbag, got her phone out and looked at the screen. A sigh of relief escaped from her lips when she saw it was Harry calling her. Still she didn't pick up right away.. It took a few seconds to pull herself together.

"Hi," she said and the way her voice sounded made it clear she had been crying.

"Nikki?" Harry sounded, worried straight away. "Nikki? Are you alright?"

"Well, actually I'm not," she said and she did her best not to burst into tears again.

"Why? What's happened?"

"Jesper.. he sent me a note," she said.

"A note? What did it say? Nikki?" Harry said a bit louder when there came no answer.

"Telling will not make me go away, you have had your chance.." she said, barely able to finish that sentence.

"Nikki, you have to call the police now, you have no other options," Harry said, very serious and firm all of a sudden.

"I know.. But I just.. I can't do it, Harry, I can't.." Nikki started crying again.

"Okay hang on, I'm coming to get you and we'll go the police together, okay?"

"Y-yes, okay," Nikki said.

"Yes, okay, good," Harry said. "I'll be there in half an hour, okay?"  
>"Yes, see you in a bit.." said Nikki and she hung up.<p>

She spent the next thirty minutes just sitting there, keeping her distance from that note. What if the police weren't able to help her? To get him off the street? Then he would only be even more cross with her, telling more people about what he had done to her, which actually wasn't even that much if you thought about it.. not physically at least.. So if this came to court, what could they even charge him with? Stalking? Trespassing? Not that much and he might be out very quickly again. That thought made her shiver.

Her thoughts got interrupted by someone knocking on her door; Harry had arrived. She carefully put the note back in the envelope and took that and her bag to the door. But when she opened it is was not Harry who was standing there. Nikki gasped for air and staggered back into her apartment.

"What? Not who you were expecting then?" Jesper said with a mean laugh and he started walking towards her.

Nikki tried to get away from him and tripped over something that was lying on the floor and fell. Jesper pressed her to the floor and even before she got the chance to call out he put something over her mouth and nose. She tried to fight him off, but the smell of chloroform filled her nose and she knew she couldn't win..


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14.

Nikki stopped writing. That had been it; the moment Jesper had kidnapped her from her apartment, literally minutes before Harry arrived.

Harry found the door to her apartment opened and he could see there had been some kind of a struggle. It took him less than a second to understand that Jesper had beaten him to it. Immediately he got his phone out of his pocket and dialled Nikki's number, which was on speed dial. After a few beeps, someone picked up and Harry was relieved.

"She is mine now," a voice sounded and the call was ended.

His heart stopped beating for a few seconds and he couldn't move. Jesper had taken Nikki.. HE HAD TAKEN HER! The bastard! He needed a moment to calm down again.. What should he do next? Phone the police and tell them everything? Call Leo? Yes, he was going to do that first; Leo always kept calm in these situations.

"Professor Leo Dalton speaking," Leo's voice sounded when Harry called him on his mobile phone.

"Leo! He has got her! He has got Nikki! We have got to do something!" Harry cried.

"Harry? Hello Harry? What are you talking about?" Leo sounded confused and Harry just needed him to understand.

"Leo! Jesper! He has taken Nikki from her apartment! I'm there now!" he just couldn't keep his voice down.

"What? Are you sure he has taken her?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Leo, what do we do?"

"Ehmm I think it's time to call the police now.."

"No! There is no time! Who knows what he's doing to her right now? Shit!" Harry shouted and he kicked against the door.

"Harry, don't panic, okay? I'm coming to meet you and then we'll decide what to do okay?"

"Okay, see you in a bit."

As Harry hung up the phone he sat down on the couch. God he was mad, with himself the most. Why hadn't he just forced her to go to the police when she still had the chance? Why had he let her get it her way, this stubborn woman? He should have been there, he should have made this guy back off from Nikki.. Nikki, the one person he would give his life for.. But of course he had thought she should go and sort out her own mess, with her horrible taste in unsuitable men! He should have seen it coming, the way she had neglected their friendship.. By now he was convinced she never would have done that if this guy really had been the one.. But no, he, Harry, _he _was the one and both of them had been too stupid to see. If only he could tell her that now.. But he was also mad with Nikki.. She should have gone to the police, she should have known this guy wouldn't stop after the phone calls. She should have -

"Harry!" Harry was drawn back to reality with Leo running up the stairs leading to Nikki's apartment.

"What are we going to do?" Harry asked, desperate for good ideas.

"Do you have any idea where he might have taken her?" Leo asked, calm as he had just been on the phone.

"No I never even got to meet him! I don't even know where he lives!"

"Maybe Nikki wrote it down somewhere? When they were still on?"

"Yes, probably, but I really don't know where she would have done that.."

"Hmm.. let me see.." Leo said, slowly moving around in the living room. "In her diary somewhere?"

"Could be.. I'll check that and you check.. the fridge?"

"We will just check everything until we find it. She must have kept it somewhere if she still had feelings for this guy.."

"What makes you think that?" Harry said sharp.

"Well.. the fact she.. didn't want to give him up to the police for instance..? Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore, we have to find her, now!"

They both started searching every piece of paper they could find in Nikki's apartment and they both realised they were racing against the clock. They kept on searching and searching, but Nikki seemed to have destroyed every single thing which reminded her of Jesper, so no luck.

"I'm going back to the office," Leo said after a while.

"What? Leo, how could you do that?" Harry called out, visibly shocked.

"To take a look at her desk.. there might still be something there.. I hope.." Leo said and he turned away and got out of Nikki's apartment.

Harry sat down again.. He couldn't think anymore. He kept seeing images of Jesper doing horrible things to Nikki and he couldn't focus on searching any longer. If only he had been at Nikki's place a few minutes earlier! He might have been in time to save her!

What was he going to do if he lost her? He would be nothing without her! She had become part of him over the past few years and this was the first time he realised that. He _had _to find her! With new strength he started looking again and tried to think of a place Nikki would keep such stuff.

Just when he went back into her bedroom again his phone started ringing; it was Leo.

"And, have you got something?" Harry said when he picked up.

"Yes I've found his address in one of her desk drawers.. Let's go, I'll pick you up."

Harry was glad they finally got something and he was really hoping they would find something there.

It took Leo about fifteen minutes to get back again and this guy's house was only 10 minutes away. Hold on Nikki, we will find you, Harry thought.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello guys, it might just be wise to read the beginning of chapter 14 again before reading 15, because I changed that :) Otherwise everything wouldn't make sense anymore :P Sorry! :P **

Chapter 15.

Those ten minutes to Jesper's apartment felt like the longest Harry ever experienced. He kept picturing all kinds of horrible things that could be happening to Nikki now and he tried not to think about how terrified she must be, because that only made him panic even more.

It really seemed all traffic had turned against them; they had to stop for all traffic lights, an accident had happened and everyone was driving so SLOW. At some point Harry just wanted to get out of the car and run as fast as he could, but he managed to keep himself calm. In the end it cost them almost 20 minutes to get to this guy's apartment and for a second Harry didn't know what to do. They had no idea what they were going to find in there. He looked at the windows. All curtains were closed.

"Shall we go in or call the police?" Harry asked, hesitating.

"Calling the police means more waiting. If we wanted to call the police, we should have done that before leaving Nikki's apartment," Leo said.

He was right. They should just go inside and hope they hadn't come too late.

"Okay.. Are you ready?" Harry asked and he noticed his voice was trembling.

"Yes, let's go in." Leo sounded very determined. "Let's see if we can get in at the back."

Harry nodded and quickly they went around the house to the back door. It was made of glass, which wouldn't be hard to break. Harry, with his previous experience with Nikki's door, first just wanted to run into it, but figured that would make too much noise. For some unexplainable reason Leo knew how to pick the lock. They got inside while trying to make as little sound as possible and looked around. The whole place was dark and it looked like no one had been there for some time. Leo took the stairs and was going to look upstairs. Harry just walked around the living room, trying to find some things which proved Jesper was actually a human being. There were no photos anywhere, no personal objects at all, just furniture and some electric devices. Then his eye fell on another door. This couldn't be the bathroom, maybe a pantry? Slowly he walked up to the door and opened it. This clearly wasn't a pantry; a stairs led downwards. This had to be the cellar.. Some part of him wanted to call Leo, but he just started descending the stairs, his heart pounding like it could explode any second now. At the end of the stairs there was another door. As he moved his hand towards it to open it, he suddenly heard a noise, but he didn't know what it was. It came from inside that room, from inside the cellar. He took a few deep breaths and tried not to think about what he was going to find in there and he closed his eyes. He opened the door and stepped right into the room. He opened his eyes and – _she wasn't there!_ All that was in there were a few pieces of furniture and all kinds of other stuff people put in their cellars.

"Shit!" Harry shouted. What were they going to do now? Where on earth had he taken her?

Leo came running down the stairs.

"Harry? What's wrong? Have you found something?"

"She isn't here," Harry whispered while he tried to control both his panic and his rage.

Leo's look changed from worried to dejected.

"Where else could he have taken her then? Did she ever tell you about a place where they went out or something?"

"No! She didn't tell me anything!" Harry shouted and he felt his emotions were taking over. He put his back against the wall and dropped down to the floor. "I should have seen this coming.. I should have stopped it.."

Leo sat down on his haunches and put a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Harry.. please don't blame yourself for all this.. we _will _find her! And I know, you two really should talk.. I know you both have a lot to say to each other.. but right now we need to stay strong. We need to _find _her, Harry," Leo said firmly and they looked each other I the eye. "So come on!"

He pulled Harry back up and they embraced each other for a minute. Harry wrinkled his nose and they went back upstairs to the living room. They started searching for clues again. Harry walked towards the fridge. There was nothing on it.. Then he noticed there was something underneath the fridge, only the tip of it out in the open. He picked it up and looked at it. It was a postcard. He turned it over to the back and saw Nikki's handwriting.

_Dear Jes,_

_I just wanted to say I had the time of my life with you last weekend and I hope we will be able to see each other soon, now you are on holiday for a few days. Maybe I could visit you there?_

_xxxx Nikks_

_Jes? Nikks? _Why did she call herself _Nikks_? For crying out loud! His eyes wandered to the address. It took him a few seconds to realise the address wasn't this address. It was in England somewhere.. Holiday? He probably had a cottage somewhere!

_Brighton Road 10_

_CL99 1YZ_

_Chailey_

_England_

"Leo! I think I've found it!"

He handed Leo the postcard and looked up the address on his phone.

"It's about 2 hours from here by car," Harry said elated.

Leo didn't seem so sure, though.

"Do you realise this could also be a distraction, a trap? He knew we were going to find his house and for some reason this is the _only_ personal item in the whole house."

"No, it was underneath the fridge, he probably didn't spot it when he was taking everything out. No, he is taking her there, I can feel it," Harry said, and this time he was_ sure_. She was there.

Right at that moment Leo received a phone call.

"Professor Leo Dalton speaking [….] Hello, Detective [.…] Where? [….] Uhuh, yes of course [….] Yes, I will be there in about.. 20 minutes [….] Okay, see you soon." He hung up the phone and sighed.

"You are not going to tell me you have just received a phone call to go to a crime scene _now,_ do you?"

"Uhh yes I do.." Leo said.

"Great! Why do those dead people always have such wretched timing?"

"Sorry, but I really have to go.. there is no one else who could go, so I have to do it.."

Harry sighed.

"Okay then.. I will drive to.. Chailey and find Nikki," Harry said and he turned away.

"Harry," Leo suddenly sounded very strict. "Don't do anything stupid, okay? And you can take my car."

Harry nodded and walked off.

Nikki had just been lying on the couch for a long time now, just lying there and putting off writing, because she knew what was coming next... Suddenly she returned to reality again and took a look at the clock. It was well past 8 pm already and she hadn't even had supper! Well, she didn't really feel like eating anything anyway.

She just needed to talk to Harry all of a sudden, to see him, so she called him.

"Harry? Could you please come over? I need you…"


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16.

Harry arrived within 20 minutes after ending their call, with some takeaway food. She didn't tell him she hadn't had supper, but he just knew somehow.

"So.. How have you been holding up?" Harry asked when they sat down at the table. "How was your appointment with Dr. Astini today?"

"Fine.." was all she said.

"And that's all you are going to tell me?" Harry asked.

"Did Leo tell you I called earlier today?" Nikki asked, clearly deliberately changing the subject.

Harry decided not to go against this. "No? He didn't.. When did you call then?"

"Straight after I had finished at the practice.. I called the office and Leo told me you had just been called away, but that he said he would let you know I called.."

"Ah.." was all Harry said.

They both went silent for a minute, just eating the takeaway.

"It was awful," Nikki said suddenly. "She made me.. just.. relive it.. _again_.."

"I understand," Harry said softly.

"No you don't.. no one can.."

"Nikki, I – "

"Why is everyone trying _so _hard to help me? I am a grown-up woman who should be able to take care of her own problems and I just can't! Why?" She was close to tears.

Harry was shocked by this sudden outburst.

"Nikki, we want to help you because we _love _you and we _care _about you! You are perfectly capable of solving problems on your own, but some things are just _too_ big! Even for you.. Even for us.."

"I-I just.. keep s-seeing him.. and I know h-he can't hurt me a-anymore.. b-because he is n-not around a-anymore.." she sobbed.

"Nikki.. Nikki! Listen to me now. You had no choice, there was no other way out! Please don't blame yourself for what happened!"

"But-"

"It-wasn't-your-fault," Harry repeated and he pulled her close. "_Please _Nikki, would you please just realise that?"

He brushed her tears off her face and tried to calm her down by pulling her in a tight embrace.

Nikki was just overwhelmed by all this and it took her a long time to calm down again.

"Thank you," she whispered, still in his embrace.

Harry kissed her forehead and let her go again.

"Aahh what have you done now? The food has gone cold!" he joked.

Nikki smiled weakly and looked him in the eye. The sparkles in her eyes returned and Harry could feel she felt comfortable again.

Now she was finally able to tell him about the appointment with Dr. Astini.

"It went okay, I guess.. but I just couldn't tell what happened. All I could do was sit there and try not to cry and think about something else.."

"So, what did you do?" Harry asked gently, really trying not to upset her again.

"I asked her if I could tell her via everything I've been writing down over the past few days. She thought it was fine.."

"Well, good.. I hope it will work for you," Harry said.

"The thing is, the worst thing.. is yet to come.."

"Oh.. how far are you now then?"

"The point where Jes - where he kidnaps me from here.."

"Hmm right, certainly not nice to talk about.. When is your next appointment scheduled?"

"Monday, so I hope I will have.. finished by then.. Anyway, how have you and Leo been holding up without me?"

"Fine, though he _still_ won't tell me the reason he has to do community service," Harry said with a laugh.

"No of course not. Do you remember the last time? I mean, we kept making jokes and fun of him for a few months, so of course he is not going to tell this time," Nikki said and finally Harry heard that laugh again he loved so much.

"Yeah that, _or _he's done something _so _stupid he really is too embarrassed to tell us."

"Hmm.. yeah, also possible I guess. Any interesting cases at the moment?"

"Naaa.. not really, nothing big anyway. They are probably waiting to die until you get back again," Harry said and Nikki chuckled again. "Do you know when you will be back? We, I really miss you."

She smiled at him.

"Ah you are sweet.. I really can't say, I guess not so very soon, but I won't stay away for _weeks_, I know you guys wouldn't be able to cope without me for that long."

"Tsss well just forget about what I just said. We do _not _miss you at _all_, doctor Alexander, so please stay away as long as possible," he said and watched her laugh.

She was the only person who really made him happy when she laughed about his jokes. It always filled him with so much warmth..

"What?" Nikki said suddenly, because he was still staring at her.

"Nothing nothing, I was just thinking about how much I am _not _missing you."

"Well thanks for that, I love you too," she said and he could hear those words meant more than she wanted them to when she said them.

She looked away and yawned.

"I am going to shift to the couch if you don't mind," she said.

"Okay, fine, I'll just get rid of all this," Harry said and he pointed to the leftovers on the table. "You know what? I think I know what Leo has done this time to deserve community service," he said while putting everything in the bin. "Remember about two weeks ago, when we stayed at the office and drunk that bottle of wine from your desk? I think he seriously drunk about half –"

Harry abruptly stopped talking when he saw Nikki had fallen asleep on the couch. She was lying all curled up, with her head resting on her arms.

For a few minutes he just stood there, listening to her slow breathing and watching her belly rise and lower again. A few of her blonde hairs had fallen into her face and they moved softly as she exhaled.

He got her a blanket from her bedroom , tucked her in, kissed her forehead again and left her apartment with as little noise as possible.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello dearest Silent Witness fans and friends First I want to say that I'm very sorry for not updating for a very long time! I wanted to fully focus on my exams and the week after that, well I suppose I just didn't really feel like it :P But now I'm back in the Silent Witness and I hope you'll be able to enjoy it despite my neglect of my ff :P So, enjoy!**

Chapter 17.

Slowly Nikki opened her eyes. She was surprised to find herself lying on the couch with that old blanket she never really used. She tried to think about last night.. Her brains were working really slow, so it took her a few minutes to remember Harry came over last night. Oh and yes, she had had another breakdown of course.. She sighed and got up from the couch. She took a look at her notepad, which was lying on the table. She should really get some writing done today, but totally didn't feel like it, because the worst part was coming now. She almost burst into tears just thinking about what happened, what she was forced to do, that night, when he kidnapped and.. raped her. She sat down again and closed her eyes while taking deep, slow breaths to calm herself. After a few minutes it got up again, feeling slightly more relaxed, to get a shower.

The shower hardly ever felt so good. When she got out again, she checked her phone, to see what time it was. Then she noticed Harry had left a message on her voicemail. She dialled the number and waited.

"_Hello, it's me. I just wanted to wish you good luck with everything you'll have to deal with today and if you need me, you know I'm always there… Oh and by the way, a big hug from Leo and Janet. Leo may not say it out loud, but I know he really misses you. So well.. call me if you need me then and have a good day, as far as that's possible.."_

Sweet message. "You know I'm always there.." he had said. That message filled her with such warmth, she almost had to cry. Then she thought to herself: woman! Stop crying and lingering and just get on with it! Yes, she could do this! She could get through this! She quickly got dressed, made herself a sandwich and sat down at the table with her notepad.

So Jesper had kidnapped her, just minutes before Harry arrived. The next part was the part that had been infecting her dreams and caused her worst nightmares; the part where he raped her..

She found herself lying on the floor in a dark room and her head was spinning. It was so dark she couldn't even see how big it was. She could only see the door, which was a few meters from where she was lying, but she couldn't identify all the objects that where lying around. She tried to get up, but her muscles seemed to have decided not to help her do that. Plus, her hands were tied to a pipe that ran all the way up to the ceiling. She looked down at herself and noticed she barely had any clothes on. She tried to remember what had happened, why she was taken here and by who, but trying to think just caused her head to spin even more and she almost passed out again.

"Hello?" she called out. "Is anyone there?" Her vision kept going in and out.

"Hello?" she shouted loud as there came no answer. She started to panic and she desperately tried to free her hands, but she couldn't. She was so cold, her legs were freezing!

Then she heard a sound in the room next to hers. It sounded like a TV or a radio or something being switched on.

She started calling out again. "Hello? Can anyone hear me? Please help!"

Still nothing or no one replied.

Oh I wish Harry was here, she thought. He should be here to help me. What she didn't know then of course, was that Harry was speeding in her direction in Leo's car.

She was just lying there for a long time, without anything happening. She could only make out the sounds from that TV or radio. She kept trying to free herself from her ties, but the ropes just wouldn't give.

Then suddenly it went all silent again. The thing, whatever it was, had been switched off. Then she could hear footsteps; there was someone moving around in that room. Nikki's heart went crazy and she went very quiet, stopped moving. The footsteps came closer and then stopped, it seemed like in front of the door which gave entrance to the room she was in. Nikki just hoped fervently the footsteps would move away again, but they didn't. Someone opened the door and came in to the room. Nikki tried to make out the person's face, but in the almost complete darkness and with her blurred sight, she couldn't see anything, she could only be sure it was a man approaching her.

"Well, Nikki… Let's get started, shall we?"

She froze. She recognized that voice. The voice came from someone she knew. It was Jesper.

"Jesper? Where are we? What am I doing here?" She couldn't think straight. All she knew was she had to get out of there.

"Not to worry dear Nikki, I just brought you here to have some fun," Jesper said and he walked up to her.

"Please, untie me. I don't want to do this," Nikki mumbled, feeling like she could pass out any second.

"Sorry Nikki, but I'm afraid I can't do that," Jesper said and he ran his fingers through her hair.

She tried to turn away from him, but she could barely move and suddenly he was all over her. He started touching her, kissing her and she was desperately fighting to get him off, but she could feel her strength fading away from her body.

"What are you doing? Jesper, stop!" He ripped what little clothes there were left on, off her body and got rid of his own trousers too.

"Please, Jesper, stop! Stop! No!" she screamed, but he wouldn't stop. Instead he started handling her even rougher.

"Jespeeeer!"

He raped her, not just once, but multiple times and he couldn't stop laughing while doing it. Nikki had never felt so helpless in her life ever before. She couldn't fight him off, she wasn't able to do anything; she couldn't even scream anymore.

"Wasn't that just great?" Jesper asked on a vile tone when he had finally got off her. "We should do this more often, little Nikks. Hang on, I'll be back soon."

The way he spoke just made her shiver. Her head was still spinning and now everything hurt. She wanted to scream, to call Jesper every word she wanted, but she just couldn't. She didn't even have the strength to lift her head and face him. Not that she even wanted to do that..

Jesper went in to the other room and came back with a cup.

"Here, drink this, it will make you feel a lot better," he said.

Although she couldn't really think, Nikki just knew she should do _everything_ in her power to prevent that fluid from getting inside her body. Jesper came towards her, with an evil smile on his face, she could see that now. With his free hand he grabbed her hair and pulled it backwards, so her head went backwards and her mouth opened. Slowly he poured the fluid into her mouth.

"Good girl.. now swallow, come on, you can do it."

Then she spit all of it right into his face.

He cursed at her and his right fist landed on her left temple. Everything went dark again.

Nikki stopped writing and pushed herself away from the table. Suddenly she just became so upset. How could he have done that to her, a person who had loved him? How could he have hurt her in such a way? Then suddenly, she felt yesterday's takeaway making its way up. She ran to the bathroom and was just in time. She threw up everything she had and tears started rolling down her cheeks. She just sat down there, next to the toilet, crying and crying..


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18.

She got interrupted by her phone that started ringing. Nikki had just been sitting there, maybe for hours, crying and crying. She waited a few seconds; she wasn't sure whether to pick up or not. It couldn't really be important anyway, so she let it ring until it stopped. Only after a few seconds it started a ringing again. Nikki put her hands over her ears. She wanted it to stop ringing. Right now she wanted to stop everything, she just wanted to be left alone. The phone stopped ringing again and this time it stayed that way.

Nikki just sat there, thinking, reconstructing. She kept thinking what would have happened if she had never met Jesper. She would probably be living quite a normal life, nothing special, but at least she would be happy. Together with Harry and Leo, working in the lab, laughing about each other's jokes.. Nothing special, but she would be able to live her life the way she wanted.

Sometimes she even wondered if she could have met someone else by now. She could have been planning her wedding by now, maybe she could even have been pregnant!

The current situation was totally different of course. She was forced to go through all kinds of horror she didn't _want _to go through and there was no way she could avoid dealing with these horrors. She had tried of course, but in the end it only hit her harder on moments she least expected it. Then it just crawled into her head, very slowly, without her noticing. Then, when she was caught most off guard, it would suddenly strike, it would strike hard and without hesitation, showing her all the details she really didn't want to see. In her dreams, moments of weakness…

No! This was going to end now! She just had to get her act together and keep going! This problem wasn't going to get solved my sitting here, beside the toilet, crying and feeling miserable.

She got up again, washed her face and brushed her teeth. Then she sat back down at the table in the living room. Thinking she should just get on with it clearly was a big mistake, because she couldn't _just get on with it_. Of course not! She just stared at her notepad, which was lying in front of her. Pick up the pen and start writing, she said to herself. Suddenly the phone started ringing, which almost made her jump. Again, she didn't quite know if she should pick up. No, her focus needed to be here, on these few pieces of paper, which were just lying in front of her. She waited until the phone went quiet again and picked up her pen, but after a few seconds the phone started ringing _again_. For crying out loud! Someone was desperately trying to get hold of her, that was for sure. She decided to pick up now.

"Nikki Alexander speaking," she said.

She waited, but there came no answer.

"Hello?" Nikki said with a bit of a shaky voice.

The call was ended by the person on the other side.

Slowly Nikki put the phone down again, feeling slightly uneasy. Had someone just dialled the wrong number or should she seek someone behind this? For some reason she had the uncanny feeling it was Jesper.. which wasn't possible of course…

No need to keep lingering on this subject, she should return her focus to her writing. She sat down, picked up her pen and opened the notepad.

Nikki opened her eyes. She felt an immense pain in the left side of her head and she didn't feel so good. The rest of her body was feeling a bit shaky and everything hurt. Slowly she looked around in the dark room. She was still lying in the same room as before, she was sure about that. Fortunately Jesper was nowhere to be seen and Nikki couldn't discover any activity in the next room. Then suddenly it occurred to her that this was her chance, her chance to escape from this hell. She started moving her hands again, trying to find some kink in the rope or something, but Jesper her tied her hands so tight she could barely move them. Her eyes had got used to the darkness and she looked around, looking for something that could help her. Of course Jesper had made sure there was nothing in that room… Then she turned around as far as she could, to investigate the pipe her hands were tied around. There didn't seem to be an opening or a weak part anywhere, so that wasn't going to work either… Then she saw something that _could _help her. The pipe was attached to the wall behind her on a few points with thin pieces of metal. Maybe they would be able to cut her ropes. To get to the lowest one she had to get up though, which could form a problem. First she listened for a few seconds, to make sure the house was abandoned and then she started trying to get up. Miraculously, with one great effort, she was able to stand up in one try and she moved up her hands along the pipe until she felt the piece of metal blocking her way. She started moving her hands back and forth, really hoping the metal was sharp enough to cut her ties.

It took such a long time that Nikki had started to think this wasn't going to work. Suddenly her hands broke free; she almost fell over. Now she had to start looking for a way out, which probably wasn't going to be too hard. She went in to the other room and noticed there was were stairs leading down. Very slowly she started descending, but couldn't stop it from creaking with every step. Only now she recognised where she was; in Jesper's cottage! That was a bad thing, because she knew the cottage lay quite outlandish. Getting herself out of there was not going to be easy. Now she knew where she was, she also knew the way out of course. She headed straight for the front door with as little noise as possible, her heart pounding like never before. When she had finally arrived at the door she took one moer look around before pushing down the handle and pushing against the door. The door didn't move. She tried again and this time she put her shoulder into it a bit more. The door still wouldn't move an inch. _Shit! He had locked the door!_ A window! That was the only other way out! She turned around and shrieked; Jesper was standing there, with a big knife in his hand.

"Where do you think you're going?"

He looked angry, very very angry…


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19.

Nikki stopped writing for a minute. She needed some time to prepare for what was coming next. Actually she had to eat something anyway, so she got up to make herself a sandwich and some delicious coffee. She sat down at the table again and pushed the notepad away. Maybe this was all she could take for today, her emotional limit. She hadn't been able face the part that was coming next over the past few weeks and now she was going to have to when she resumed writing. Maybe she should do something nice instead, like.. drop by at the office or something? That would also give her the chance to see Leo again. But should she drop by just out of the blue or call first? No, she was just going to go around and if no one was there, she would just go to the park or something. Yes yes, this was a great idea.

After she had finished her sandwich and coffee, she tried to make herself look as good as possible, which was quite hard, considering she had baggies under her eyes and her skin was pale… After putting on some make-up she thought she looked OK, so she made her way downstairs, to the car.

Arriving at the office again made her feel good. Usually she spent so much time in the Lyell Centre that this building felt more home to her than her flat sometimes. When she got to the entrance she could see through the glass doors Leo was in, who seemed to be having quite a serious conversation on the phone. She unlocked the door and walked in. She looked at her desk, which was totally empty. That was a funny contrast to the normal situation, because usually her desk was covered with case files and maps.

Leo hadn't noticed her arrival and was still on the phone. He seemed to be getting quite annoyed now. Harry was nowhere to be seen; he had probably been called away to a scene, or maybe he was doing a PM.

"No, no! I will not accept that!" Leo shouted and he ended his phone call. He very nearly smacked his phone on the ground, but he controlled himself. He just stood there for a minute and then walked back to his desk. Only when he sat down he looked up and noticed Nikki looking at him.

"Nikki!" he called and his expression changed from angry to happy. "Oh it's so great to see you!" He walked up to her and they embraced each other.

"So how are you? You doing alright?" he asked with a worried look when they sat down in his office.

"I'm doing okay.." she said. "So what was that all about?"

"Oh just a difficult case.. for some reason the police are simply refusing to share information, information we need.." he said, clearly still very annoyed about that.

"Okay and that is how you deal with that these days?" Nikki said and she gave him that look he only knew too well.

"Well, we have been under quite a lot of stress lately.. Uncooperative police really doesn't help things.. But anyway.. Are you sure you are doing alright? You know I'm here, if you want to talk..?"

"Yes I know.. Of course I know, Leo.. And of course I'm not really doing _okay_, but.."

"Yes.. no of course you are not okay, how could you possibly be?" Leo said gently. "So.. how is your writing coming along?"

"Well.. that's one reason I decided to drop by.. The next part.. the next part is where I.. where h-he.. A-And.. I just needed some distraction.." she said, already having trouble to contain her tears.

Leo had to take a moment before he could speak.

"You know, when we found out you had been kidnapped.. I've never felt so scared before in my whole life.. And you should have seen Harry.. He was just such a mess, he just totally.. lost it. It took us so long to find out where you were that I even feared you were dead," Leo said with tears in his eyes. "And then I even got called away to a scene and I went! I can't believe I couldn't see what really mattered, I just should have gone with Harry.. I should have been there for you, but instead I let you both down, I know that, and I'm so sorry.. That's why I haven't called you over the past few weeks.. I just couldn't.. face the shame.." Leo whispered.

Nikki was overwhelmed by this sudden outburst. She had never seen Leo like this before, well except for when Theresa and Cassie got killed maybe but this shame!

"Leo.. Please don't feel ashamed! You were not the one who kidnapped me and made me go through all of this! You have done nothing wrong and please don't feel bad about not calling me! Please.."

But her words couldn't calm him down. He just sat there, with his hands put over his face, shaking. He had probably suppressed this all those weeks, probably he hadn't even told Janet how he felt! After a few minutes Leo finally managed to calm down again.

"So how has Janet been?" Nikki asked, trying to talk about something else.

"Yeah she has been.. quite good," Leo said with a smile. "We have decided to try for a baby, for real this time."  
>"Oh Leo that's fantastic! Congratulations!" Nikki called out and she hugged him.<p>

Finally Leo could really smile again. He looked at is watch.

"Oh! Is it 3 already? I still have to get a PM done!"

"Those dead people can never wait, can they.. Well off you go then and say hi to Janet for me, okay?"

"Yes I will and I will call you soon, alright?" Leo said with a smile.

"Okay," said Nikki as she got up from her chair.

Leo quickly made his way to the locker room to change.

Just as Nikki turned to the exit, Zak came walking in.

"Nikki? Hi!" he said surprised.

"Hi Zak, haven't seen you in a long time." Nikki smiled at him.

"No no indeed.. So, how have you been?" he asked carefully, clearly trying to avoid upsetting her.

"Doing quite alright Zak, thanks. You too? I hope Harry hasn't made you do all his paperwork?"

"Haha well almost. He spends most of his time talking about you actually. He must be really missing you.." Zak said.

"Yes sure he is, normally _I _get to do all of his paperwork, that's why he misses me so much," she said with a giggle.

"You'd better come back asap then, to release me from my duties."

"Haha, yes I sure will," she chuckled

"Good. Because he's not the only one who misses you, you know..? See you later yeah? I have to get back to help Leo with the PM," Zak said.

"Okay, yeah see you later."

Zak disappeared through the doors that lead to the locker room and Nikki left the office, feeling much better and more relaxed. Only a pity Harry wasn't around..


	20. Chapter 20

**Hello guys, I'm so sorry I've been uploading my chapters so very randomly lately, but it seems I've been experiencing quite some inspiration-free days or something XD Anyway, sorry for the long wait, AGAIN, and enjoy **

Chapter 20.

When Nikki arrived home again her first thought was that she wanted to leave again, because being home meant more writing.. Of course she knew she had to finish this, to finally face that moment.. For a moment she wanted to call Harry and ask how he was getting on today, but as he probably was still busy, that would probably be useless anyway.

She sat down at the table and read the last sentences she had written down earlier that day. That look from Jesper, that rage in his eyes, she would never forget that.. That huge difference from the man she met in the pub, that handsome, nice guy who caused a sparkle the first time she looked at him. And there was that same man, vile and filled with rage and pure evil, so it seemed. The man she one loved with all her heart had become a beast..

"Where do you think you're going?" Jesper asked again, slightly louder and more frightening.

Nikki couldn't move. She was pinned to the door and floor and she wasn't even able to say anything. All she could do was just stand there, looking at him in fear, her heart pounding like never before.

"I asked you what you were doing here!" Jesper shouted and he took a step in her direction.

"N-nothing.." was all Nikki could say.

"Did I tell you you could go walking around the house?" his tone changed to vile again.

Slowly Nikki shook her head.

"Then I suggest we go back to our cosy little place upstairs and finish what we started, alright?"

Again, Nikki shook her head, still feeling like a statue.

"You don't want to go back? No? You are sure about that? Well.. then we'll just finish it.. HERE!" he shouted and he jumped in her direction, ready to strike with the knife in his right hand.

With a loud scream Nikki somehow dodged the knife and ran away from him, towards the living room. Without looking over her shoulder she kept running, without thinking, without really knowing where she was going, knocking things over to block the way. Then she suddenly stopped and hid behind a chair. Trying to control her breath, she tried to listen carefully for other noises in the house.

"Nikki! Nikki! Come back, please! You know I didn't mean it like that!" she heard Jesper calling, which sounded quite far away fortunately. "Forgive me, please?"

Funny enough it really sounded like he was begging! While a minute ago he wanted to kill her! Should she come out and try to reason with him? Maybe he would let her go! No! It might be a trick, him acting like some sort of helpless, poor sod.. She was still hesitating when she heard his footsteps getting louder and louder. She tried to crouch as far as possible.

"Come on now, Nikks! Stop playing games with me! You can't get away, you know, I barricaded all doors and windows, so there is no way out!" his voice sounded alarmingly close.

Then she heard nothing anymore. He was just standing there, probably listening if she was coming out from somewhere. Nikki just froze and stopped breathing. If he heard her now, he surely was going to kill her, she just knew it.

After a period that seemed to be lasting forever, she finally hear him turning away again. Carefully, she stepped away from the chair and only now she could see she was standing next to a window. How was she going to open it? Throw something through the glass? Trying to jump through it? She wasn't sure.. All of that was going to make an awful lot of noise and Jesper would be here in no time.. But what else could she do? Nothing really, she _had _to get out of this house or she was going to get killed!

She started looking around the room, looking for something to break the glass.. Unfortunately there was nothing she could use, nothing she was sure about anyway.. So what now?

"So there you are.."

Quickly she turned around. There he was again, blocking the way out. She was overwhelmed by panic as he started walking towards her.

"P-please, Jesper.. don't.." she muttered as she was backing away as far as possible.

His lips formed a mean smile, as he raised the knife.

"Now, let's finish this, shall we?" he whispered.

As he charged with a roar Nikki grasped his arm with both hands and she tried to stop the knife with all her strength, but his arm was stronger and slowly but surely, he pushed the knife towards her heart. Then, just as the tip of the knife pierced her skin, she lifted her knee into his nuts so hard he fell over with a loud groan. She pulled the knife out of this hand and stumbled away from him.

Jesper got up again, still groaning and he whispered: "You.. you shouldn't have done that.."

"Get away from me!" Nikki yelled, pointing the knife at him so he would hopefully keep his distance.

"Oohh be careful with that, lady, you might hurt yourself," he said scornfully.

"Get.. away from me," Nikki whispered and she took a step in his direction.

"No." Jesper didn't move an inch.

"Get away from me, or I'll stab you," she said with a trembling voice, not taking her eyes off him.

Jesper laughed.

"NO!" he shouted and he jumped upon her with a piercing sound. As he was lying on top of her, Nikki saw his eyes widening and he gasped for air. Then she felt something warm flowing over her body. Horrified, she pushed him off her and she could see the knife had pierced right through his heart. She screamed so loud her own ears started ringing. She sank down to her knees, fell over and everything went dark.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21.

When he finally reached the house in Chailey, it had taken Harry far over 2 hours and he was so scared he was too late. When he was nearly there, he had called the police after all and they had said they would be here when he arrived, but there was no one to be seen.. He couldn't even hear sirens coming his way.. He looked at the house. It looked deserted, just like Jesper's house in London.

Then suddenly he realised Nikki's life was in danger again. He jumped out of Leo's car and rushed to the front door. He didn't care about making noise this time and he bashed it right in.

"Nikki! Where are you? NIKKI!" he shouted desperately. Please be alright, _please _be, Harry kept thinking.

But there came no answer. The house was dead quiet. It almost felt like everything inside it was dead, which made Harry move around very carefully too. Suddenly he was so sure he was going to find her dead, he didn't want to go further anymore. But he made himself go into every room, because he still _had _to find her, he just had to! After a few minutes he concluded there was no one downstairs and made his way to the stairs, still listening for any noise.

Slowly he walked up the stairs, which gave a loud noise with every step. He went into the room to his right, which led to another room. There his heart stopped. Blood on the floor and clothes ripped apart, scattered around the room. He also noticed ropes on the floor, which were cut and also bloody. What had Jesper done to her? Immediately all kinds of images started appearing in front of him. Torture.. rape?

Quickly he got out of that room again and tried to make the images go away. Right.. next room.. The door was shut, which didn't made Harry feel at ease at all. Slowly and with his heart pounding mad, he opened it. There was nothing in the room, just some furniture.. Then he noticed this room also led to another room. He turned around the corner and froze. There he was, lying on the ground in a pool of blood, with his eyes wide open, the handle of a knife coming out of his chest. So, this man, this.. _beast_.. had broken Nikki, kidnapped her and done god knows what to her. His panic and fear made way for anger and hate. He wanted to rip this monster apart, he wanted to kill him again!

Only then something made him look to his right.

"NIKKI!" he called and rushed towards the motionless body. He kneeled next to her and put his arms around her shoulders. She was naked and covered in blood and bruises.

"Nikki," he whispered. He put his head against hers and tears started rolling down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry.."

He had come too late.. the damage had been done.. the beast had killed the beauty..

Then suddenly her eyes were wide open and she started breathing heavily.

"Jesper.. No.. NO!" she yelled and she tried to get away from him.

"Nikki! Please calm down! It's me, Harry!" Harry pulled her even closer, while she was struggling to get out of his embrace.

"Shhhh… calm down.. calm down.." Harry kept saying softly as he didn't let go.

He could feel she started to relax and then she started shivering and sobbing.

"Shhhhh.. it's okay, it's all going to be okay.." Harry said and he held onto her.

Quickly he took off his jacket and put it around her shoulders.

"I-I'm s-so sorry," she sobbed.

"No no.. nothing to be sorry about.. I'm here now, and everything is going to be okay.."

Of course she wasn't going to be okay. She was in such state of shock it frightened him, but then he realised what she had been going through those past few hours.. He wondered if she was ever going to be able to forget all this again. Over the past few years she had had to deal with a lot.. She had almost been killed, multiple times actually, she had been threatened, she could actually have died, in that hospital basement, after she had had a bump on the head. Fortunately, he, Harry, had always been there, to save her life, or to help her get herself back together again. This time he was not sure him just being there was going to be enough. She had been betrayed, by the person she once loved so much.. maybe she still loved him, even though he was dead now. She surely was going to feel guilty, for she was the one who killed Jesper in the end. She was going to feel betrayed, used even maybe. All of that was going to be so very different to anything else she had experienced before.. This time it was very personal and he wouldn't be able to protect her from all that, from herself..

It seemed Nikki had passed out again, maybe from sheer exhaustion, or grief..

Harry just sat there, with the woman he loved so much still in this tight embrace. He was never going to let go again, not this time. She was never going to get involved with any unsuitable man, ever again. From now on, she was just going to have to be satisfied with him, and _only_ him. And they both knew, deep down, they were the only ones suited for each other and that had been that way from that moment they first kissed.

If only he could make her realise that, tell her at the right moment. But when? For the next weeks, months, she really wasn't going to be able to see all that, not after everything that had happened. Maybe she wouldn't even _want _to see it.. But he was going to wait for her, as long as she needed him to. He was going to give her time, give her space and be there for her at the same time and let _her _decide when she was ready for it..

He could hear sirens in the distance, coming their way.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22.

Nikki was just lying on the couch, thinking.. What if Harry hadn't showed up in Chailey, what would she have done then? She might had taken her own life, once she realised she had killed the man she still loved so much.. But Harry had saved her, from that horrific place.. from herself.. Thinking of it, he had always come to her rescue when she really needed him, she had never really realised that until now. Sometimes she wondered what she would do if she ever lost him, one way or another. She would be lost herself then, if she couldn't be with him anymore..

She turned on the television and zapped by all the channels, without really watching what was on. After a while she came by some goody-goody movie she had already seen about ten times, but she watched it anyway. It actually made her loose that empty feeling she had been having throughout the day and suddenly she realised she was starving. She made her way to the fridge and noticed it was quite empty, which made sense as she hadn't done any shopping for a few days. She could call Harry to get some takeaway? No, she should really start eating healthy again.. All she could do for now was making herself a sandwich with some tomatoes, salad and cheese, which actually didn't taste bad at all.

What now? Call Harry? No, he was probably still busy at the office.. Go back to writing? Well actually there wasn't much more to write..

After spending days in hospital and at the police station, Nikki was finally able to get some rest again. She had had to tell everything to the police of course, who were genuinely shocked about everything that had happened in Chailey and the weeks before..

She had never been moretired in her _life_.. After having spent a few days at home she convinced Leo she was able to work again. Of course he let her, because she would never take no for an answer. At first it seemed to be working quite okay and Leo and Harry had actually started to think she was alright already. Of course she wasn't. After a week or so everything went wrong again, when Nikki took a case which involved a 16-year-old girl, who had been raped and killed by her crazy ex-boyfriend, who was 28.

When she came home that day she collapsed completely, but the next few days she was able to hide everything from Leo and Harry, or at least she thought she was. They were actually getting more worried by the hour, because of the way Nikki took on far more cases than she usually would and the way how she somehow avoided having conversations about her current situation. She was convinced she was doing okay, but they knew better and of course in her heart she also did. Still she kept pushing herself to keep going, which kind of worked for a short time, until she had that breakdown at in Leo's office a few days ago.

So here she was now, on her way to hopefully being able to be herself again, finally with some professional help from Dr. Astini.. and Harry and Leo of course, especially Harry.

All of a sudden she felt the need to call her father. For the past, well 20 years or so, they hadn't really been on speaking terms, so usually she never felt the urge to contact him, but this time was different. After everything that had happened, she was finally going to behave like a grownup towards him, for the first time in her life. She was going to give him a chance to be part of her life again.

She had to search for about half an hour, but then finally found his phone number, somewhere deep inside a drawer. She dialled the number and waited. It kept beeping on the other side and for a moment Nikki thought this wasn't the right number anymore, until he finally picked up.

"Victor Alexander speaking," sounded on the other side.

Nikki waited a few seconds. For some reason she wasn't so sure about this anymore..

"Hello?"

"Hi.. it's Nikki.."

"Nikki? Nikks? Oh words can't express how glad I am to hear your voice again! How have you been?" he sounded delighted indeed.

"Well.. I haven't been doing so good actually.."

"What? Why? Would you like to talk about it? To an outsider like me?" he asked. Nikki didn't really understand what he meant by that.

When she didn't say anything he said: "You know, I ehh.. I actually called you, yesterday or the day before, don't really remember. I.. I just wanted to hear your voice and.. I was afraid you might hang up as soon as you knew it was me, so.. I didn't say anything.."

Yes, she remembered that call.. it had almost freaked her out!

"Dad?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Could we please see each other again sometime soon? Or at least.. keep in contact?"

It went quiet on the other side. He was probably wondering why she would want contact with him all of a sudden.

"Of course, Nikks.. What else could a father want?" he sounded delighted again.

"Okay then, see you soon.. dad," she said and she hung up the phone with a very strange feeling.

Why would she want contact with her father again so suddenly, she wondered. She really couldn't tell.. for some reason it just felt like the right thing to do, perhaps because of this near-death experience.. Well, no point thinking about that anyway..

She felt some sense of relief filling her head and suddenly she felt so good. She had done some good things today. She was really proud of herself, finishing writing down everything that had happened to her, making herself face it.

With this feeling of satisfaction she went to bed, even though it was only about 8. She was sure she was going to have a good night's sleep this time.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23.

Slowly Nikki opened her eyes. The room had flooded with light already and she wondered what time it was. She turned around and saw it was about 11 am already! Wow, she had slept for over 14 hours! That really was the first time in ages she had had such a good night's sleep. She got up and decided she was going to have a shower first, then breakfast, then go shopping to fill her fridge again. After that? She really didn't know, maybe go somewhere for a walk or something. But first things first, of course. She noticed she had a message on her phone; Harry had called her earlier this morning. She still couldn't believe she slept until 11 and even through the sound of her phone ringing about two hours before.. Well, she was going to call him back after she had had a shower.

Harry was running late for work, as usual. When he came in he was about 15 minutes late, but Leo had stopped saying anything about it, because it didn't work anyway.. He didn't feel like doing anything today, as it was Sunday, but he had enough to do that couldn't wait until Monday. He sat down and looked up to the empty desk opposite of his. It had been really boring at the office without Nikki being there, laughing about his jokes.. the way she always lighted up the room as she walked in. Honestly, with only Leo at his disposal it really was less fun. Of course he and Leo laughed about something, sometimes, but if Nikki laughed it felt so heart-warming..

Anyway, he should get on with it. There was a lot he had to do today; doing two PMs and writing a few reports. Of course he was a bit behind on the paperwork, which wasn't unusual either. Plus, there was always the chance he would get called out to a scene, which would ruin his whole schedule for today. He was first going to finish some reports, then do the first PM on some guy who was found at the bottom of a staircase in a flat. After that he hoped there was going to be enough time to have a proper lunch, but he always had to keep in mind there might not be any time for that at all.

Yes, that was the way he was going to do it. Then his mind strayed away from work again to the person who should be sitting near him right now. No, he was going to call her first, just to hear her voice and make sure she was alright. He took a look at his watch; 8.53. Well, she was probably awake already, over the past few days she hadn't been sleeping well, so..

He dialled her number and waited. It beeped.. and beeped.. and beeped.. but to Harry's surprise no one answered, which got him worried.. Drop by, to really make sure she was alright? Hmm.. No, she was probably going to call him back soon..

When Nikki came out of the shower again, she called Harry back. The first beep had barely stopped when Harry answered.

"Nikki! Hi," he sounded some kind of.. relieved.

"Hi Harry, what's wrong?"

"Oh nothing really, I just wanted to make sure you were alright and you not picking up this morning got me a bit worried, that's all.."

"Okay.. well, I'm doing fine really, slept til 11, so I feel good."

"Ah well, that's good to hear.. So do you feel ready for tomorrow's appointment with Dr. Astini?" He really sounded.. a bit weird, nervous..

"Yeah actually I do. I finished writing everything down yesterday and I really feel much better now I've done that, so.."

Harry didn't say anything.

"Harry? Please, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, really. I just wanted to make sure you were alright, so now I know, it's all good again."

She wasn't really satisfied with that explanation, but decided not to go on about it.

"So would you like to grab a late lunch with me, say about 2?"

"Well, honestly I don't know if I can make it, because we've got quite a lot on here.."

"What? Are you at work? Harry, it's Sunday!"

"Thanks for reminding me, I had forgotten all about that," he joked.

Nikki giggled. "So you guys really have so much on? Well, if you need me to come over, do some paperwork..?"

"You know that sounds very tempting, but I'm sure that isn't a good idea.."

"Why not? I just told you I feel really good today, so why not? I can handle it, really," Nikki started to get a bit annoyed. Like Harry always knew what was best for her..

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure."

"Okay," Harry said slowly, "I'll tell Leo you are coming over then. When will you be in?"

"Ehmm.. I think in about an hour or so.."

"An hour? Seriously? Why so late?"

"Well, because I'm actually naked at the moment and I haven't had breakfast yet, so that's why."

"Oh you're naked? Well in that case, get over here straight away! I'm sure no one would mind," Harry said and finally he sounded normal again.

"Oh bugger off you, I'll see you soon," she said with a giggle and hung up the phone.

Now she knew what was wrong; he just really missed her. Kind of cute, actually..

After that she just couldn't get that smile off her face. Only now she realised she had missed not only Harry and Leo, but also just being at the office, working together with them. She actually really felt like she could do this, start working again, even though she had only had about a week off or something. Anyway, she felt really excited she was going back to work again. Especially because she could be around Harry all afternoon again, that was hardly ever a bad thing.

She got dry, put on that blue tunic she knew Harry liked, quickly made herself a sandwich and went out.

**Hey guys again, I'm really sorry it took me so long to publish again, but my mind has been elsewhere lately :P so I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I will try to publish again asap **

**xx Dieuwiekiwi**


	24. Chapter 24

**Hello everyone, hope you're all well and happy I'd like to thank you guys for the lovely reviews you've written me so far and I hope you'll like this chapter :D enjoy ;)**

Chapter 24.

In fact it had taken Nikki far less than an hour to get to the office. When she walked in Harry walked up to her straight away and gave her a big hug, without saying anything. She put her arms around him too.

"Well, that's a great way to welcome me again," she said with a big smile when he released her again.

Harry still didn't say anything, but just answered her smile with an even bigger smile.

"What's all going on in here?" Leo said who came out of his office.

Harry and Nikki both looked up with a slightly guilty expression.

Leo immediately knew what was going on and quickly disappeared into his office again.

"I have to say, I really, _really _missed you," Harry confessed.

"I really missed you too, Harry.."

They just stood there, trying not to look at each other, like two teenage kids who were anxious to say they liked each other..

"Anyway, shall we try to get some work done?" Harry said abruptly with a nervous smile.

"Yes, you are right, we probably should," Nikki said and she turned away from him, still not looking at him.

"Ehh Nikki?" Leo had come out of his office again.

"Yeah?"

"Could I just talk to you, for a second?"

"Uhuh," she said and went into his office.

Leo closed the door behind her and sat down at his desk.

"Nikki.. Are you sure you are up for work again?"

"Yes."

"Really sure? You also said so last time.." Leo said carefully.

"Yes, I know that.. but now I really feel like I've put it aside."

"Aside? So it's not really behind you then?" he asked and looked her in the eye. "Sorry but I just need to know for sure, because I really don't want a repetition of last week.."

"I understand that, Leo, but I feel fine now I would really like to help you get through all this work, so - "

"Nikki, please don't act like it's nothing! I know you have been going through a lot lately and I know you have made quite some progress to.. get back on the right track. But it's still only _three_ weeks ago!"

Nikki got quite annoyed by all this rubbish. Like she didn't know how long ago all of it had happened! And what did it matter is was only three weeks ago? As if there was a minimum time limit to keep away from work or something! Why couldn't he just be glad she had returned to help them cope with all the extra work?

She tried to stay calm. "Leo, I just said I feel fine, so I would just like to help you guys out for now.. But if you don't trust me, then I'd better be off again and let you deal with all of it yourself, right?" She got up from her chair and turned around.

"Nikki.. Nikki! Please stop."

She stopped, but didn't turn around.

"I'm sorry.. it's just.. I don't want to see you get hurt even more, that's all. Just the way you pretty much collapsed last week.. I just want you to be sure you'll be able to handle all of it again."

"Yes, Leo, really I will," Nikki said and she turned around with a reassuring smile.

"Okay then," Leo said after a short pause.

"Good we have got that settled then," she said and turned around again and walked away.

"Just _one _thing, Nikki," Leo said sternly, just when Nikki had placed her hand on the doorknob. "No heavy cases for you yet, _only _the ones I approve of."

Nikki turned around again and looked very outraged.

"But Leo –"

"Nikki, will you just take some advice? Just take it easy, it will all come back in time."

She opened her mouth like she was going to go against that, but then probably decided he was right, just for once then. She turned around and left the office to join Harry who had done nothing useful in the meantime. She sat down at the desk and opened a case file, which was about a 51-year-old man who seemed to have died of natural causes, but the police weren't satisfied with the circumstances and wanted a PM.

"So what was that all about?" Harry asked.

She just kept in reading without looking up and shook her head barely noticeable.

"You really are not going to tell me?" Harry asked, clearly just teasing her.

"Uh uh," she just mumbled, still not looking up from the police report.

Harry went quiet, but she could feel him looking at her, obviously hoping she would look up and tell him to bugger off or something. Actually she would qualify what he was doing as flirting and she was _not_ going to give in.

From the corner of her eye she could see him getting up from his chair and he walked away. A few minutes later he returned with the smell of coffee. He sat down again and put the cup on his desk.

Slowly Nikki's eyes moved away from the report to the steaming hot, delicious cup of coffee just a few meters away from her.

Now it was Harry who didn't look up. He seemed to have got very interested in some report himself all of a sudden. Nikki kept looking; she just knew he wouldn't be able to resist. She could see a grin on his face and suddenly he looked right into her eyes and smiled. She smiled back and he got up from his chair. He picked the cup up from the table, walked up to her desk and put it down right next to her.

"Welcome back," he said softly and pressed a kiss on her cheek.

He walked back to his desk and sat down again, while Nikki was trying to conceal her blushes by holding the files in front of her.

But of course she knew she couldn't hide anything from him; they could ever hide anything from each other.

God it was good to be back.

**So, Nikki back at the office again, what do you think? And what do you think is still to come? Definitely something.. *mysterious smile* anyway, please leave me a review if you feel like it, would be much appreciated **

**xx Dieuw**


	25. Chapter 25

**Thank you, everyone who is still with me, after 24 chapters also many thanks to everyone who has been reviewing my story and inspiring me :D love you guys and enjoy!**

Chapter 25.

That day, when she had come back from work, she felt really happy for the first time in ages. To her it had actually felt like a normal day at work, which was a great feeling. She finally felt she had resumed living her life again, well almost, that is. She still had to go to Dr. Astini tomorrow and she was actually kind of looking forward to that. By now she just knew she could talk about it without experiencing another breakdown or anything else in that direction.

It was past 9 already, so she didn't have to make herself dinner anymore. They had eaten some Japanese takeaway at the office, she, Harry, Leo and Zak.

Now she figured she might as well just go to bed so she could face the next day as soon as possible. She had a short shower and went straight to bed after that, with that book she still had to finish.

She woke up with the book in her arms and her first thought was that Jesper hadn't appeared in her dreams. She actually couldn't really remember what she had dreamt, only that Harry had been in it, so it couldn't have been a bad dream.

The appointment with Dr. Astini was at 12.30 and now it was.. a little after 9, so plenty of time. First she figured she could go to the Lyell Centre and work until 12, but it would probably be better to keep her mind on the appointment for now. She picked up the book she had been reading and resumed at page 314. It was a very good thriller and although she was near the end, she still didn't know how things fitted together. Within the hour she had finished it and she was truly surprised about how things turned out in the end.

Even though she was confident about the meeting, she still felt quite nervous in the hours after that, still at home. When it was finally time to go she had been ready for over half an hour and she quickly left home.

"Welcome back, Nikki," Rachel said when she entered the room and they shook hands. "Sit down, please. So, how have you been?"

"Well, good I think, now I've all written it down I really feel like I can put it aside.."

"Good to hear, good to hear," Rachel said while she wrote something down on her notepad. "I have read everything you sent me Nikki.. that wasn't just something you had to go through.."

Nikki nodded, still feeling okay.

"So, you said you think you can put it aside now. Do you really think so? I mean, it has still got to be so fresh!"

Oh god, here we go again, the "it's only three weeks ago" speech. Well she really didn't feel like going in that direction _again_.

"Yes, I really do think so, don't you?" Nikki couldn't help but to be cynical.

"Well, I think you shouldn't go too fast, or try to go too fast. I take it you are still not working?"

"Well actually I went over there yesterday, because I thought, well, why should I do nothing while I can also go to work?"

"Alright," Rachel said slowly while she wrote something down. "And did things go well yesterday? Were you able to focus and do your job? Or were you still distracted and not sure it had been a good decision to go back already?"

"Well clearly you seem to think so," Nikki said, cynical again.

"I'm not here to judge you, Nikki. I'm just asking if going back to work felt right to you."

Nikki sighed.

"Yes, it went okay and I slept fine afterwards," she said a bit annoyed.

"Okay, well that's what I wanted to know."

It went quiet for a moment, Rachel just noted some things.

"Tell me Nikki, do you feel guilty about anything?" she suddenly asked.

"Ehh no.. about what?" Nikki started feeling a bit insecure now.

"About what has happened, Nikki," Rachel said with a piercing gaze.

"No," Nikki said softly. "What should I feel guilty about?"

She tried to remain calm, but inside she started panicking.

"About what you had to do to stay alive," Rachel said, still looking at Nikki with this sharp gaze.

Nikki turned her head away.

"No, I don't feel guilty.. I feel.. relieved that he is gone."

She felt like Rachel's eyes were pinning her to the wall. Of course she knew she was lying. Rachel didn't say anything. She didn't write anything down either. She just sat there and looked.

"I don't feel guilty.. I feel very guilty, sometimes.."

"Why do you feel guilty?" Rachel asked.

"Because I killed the man I loved," Nikki said. She felt tired.. she just wanted to go home and forget all about it.. about everything..

"But Nikki.. you _do _realise there was nothing else you could do, right?"

Yes, of course she did. That was what everyone kept saying to her from the moment she regained consciousness at the hospital. Of course she realised, but did that make that feeling of guilt go away?

She just sighed and it took her a big effort to speak.

"Yes, I know and I realise.."

"So why do you still feel guilty then, Nikki?"

She didn't know.. she just wanted to get out of there and go home..

"How should I know? If I knew, I wouldn't be here, right? You are the psychologist, you tell me.." Such cynicism.

Rachel went quiet for a moment.

"I think you have to let go," was all she said.

Such vague talking only annoyed Nikki more.

"Wow, now I know exactly what to do, thank you!"

"I think you have to let go of your love for him," Rachel said, remaining calm.

Now Nikki went quiet for a moment.

"But.. how?" she muttered.

"That, I cannot tell you I'm afraid.. that's something you'll have to find out for yourself."

Yes, but how? She had tried to let go, but at moments she was alone he just kept popping up in her head, she couldn't shut him out..

"I'm sorry Nikki, but our time's up. For now, that is."

"Right, okay." Nikki got up from her chair. "Well.. thank you and ehh.. see you next time."

"Okay, good, see you next time," Rachel said and also got up.

They shook hands and Nikki walked off.

She made an appointment for next Friday and got back to her car.

Right.. so go straight through to the office or not? This time she didn't feel so sure.. She decided to have the rest of the day off, so she called Leo and drove home. She had a lot of thinking to do.


	26. Chapter 26

**Hello everyone I'm terribly sorry for my slow updating XD but I just got a new job which involves getting up at 5 and as I usually have night time sessions.. so sorry, but here's chapter 26 **

Chapter 26.

Nikki spent the whole afternoon just thinking, trying to figure out how to let go.. But it was hard, because Jesper kept appearing before her eyes and there was simply no way she could abandon her love for him. Somehow she had to realise that he was no longer part of her life anymore and she just had to move on. Otherwise she was never going to be able to have a normal life again.. not really..

Her phone rang; it was Harry.

She picked up. "Hi."

"Hey there, I was just wondering where you were, because I thought you were coming to the office after the appointment."

"Yeah I know I was.. but I just needed time to think about some things and I can't do that while I'm at work, I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about. So, it didn't go so well?" Harry asked and instantly he sounded worried.

"She just said some things to me I have to think about.."

"Okay, alright then. Shall I.. come over with some pizza tonight?"

"No thank you, I really feel like I have to be on my own tonight, sorry.."

"Would you just stop apologising please? It's alright, just.. call me when you need me, yeah?"

"Of course, how could I resist?" Nikki said flirty.

"Haha okay, see you later, Nikki."

"Hiya."

For a moment after ending the call she wondered why she had said no to him coming over, but she figured it was probably for the best for now.

She lay dawn on the couch and closed her eyes. How was she going to let go? Why did she have to? She would rather just try to forget all about it, but she had already tried that and so far that hadn't really solved anything. Maybe this matter just needed time to mend, maybe it wasn't really necessary to let go.. She wasn't sure.. How _could_ she be sure?

That night she had nightmares about Jesper again and only slept until about 3. She tried to force herself to fall asleep again, but the thought about all those horrible images made her shiver and she couldn't close her eyes anymore. Instead she got out of bed and sat down at the table. She picked up her notepad from the corner of the table and put it down in front of her. Maybe writing could help her again. Not writing down the story this time, but her feelings.. about Jesper.. about herself..

_Monday, 6th of August_

_I don't know what to do anymore. Today Dr. Astini told me to let go of my love for Jesper, but the truth is: I don't know if I'll ever be able to do that. My love for him was, is, so strong and lies so deep I can't even describe in words. Everyone keeps trying to help me, but no one is able to help me with this. I have to do this all on my own and I don't have a clue how.. During the appointment today I started to feel empty again, like I felt right after it had all happened a few weeks ago. And now this other feeling, guilt, dominates everything inside me and I can't help it. I can only try to get on with my life and that's exactly what I am going to try DO. I am going to work today and live this day like any other normal day, without thinking about anything else than work. I hope Harry and Leo will be able to let me work without asking if I'm okay every ten minutes. Of course I know they only want to help, but sometimes they make me feel like I still am a victim. But I'm not, not anymore. I'm trying to move on and so should they. Right now they are the only ones who can make me feel like myself, so I hope they will let me do that. _

_Sometimes I still think back to the happy times I had with Jesper.. that moment we met, it was all just perfect and from the start it had been so clear to me that he was the one, this was the man of my dreams and I was never going to let him go. Never. I still don't understand how I could have been so wrong from the start! What a creep he really was.. If only Harry had showed up that evening at the pub.. If only I had called in the help of the police sooner.. If only Harry and me had got together already.. Like we should have done ages ago – _

Suddenly she stopped writing when she realised this was a true feeling. She had taken the wrong guy for the man of her dreams! Her heart had totally misjudged the situation, all that time! How could she not have seen that earlier, how did she miss that for all these years, even after everything that had happened in Budapest a year ago? She didn't understand, not any part of what had just happened. Harry.. The one person who had always been there for her, the one person who could make her feel happy, even if she felt like crying.. the one who had saved her from everything..

She got up from her chair and started pacing up and down the room. How was she going to tell him? How could she be sure he even felt the same way? What if he didn't? How was she going to cope? Right now she figured she probably wasn't.. But she just knew she _had_ to tell him how she felt, no matter how he was going to react. It was something she should have done a long time ago.. This was going to turn her life around, no matter what he was going to say..

She stopped pacing and got back in to bed. Somehow all this thinking had put her mind to rest. She could go back to sleep now..

**So, what do you think? How will Harry react to this news? I think we all know the answer to that question :3 Anyway, sorry for making you guys wait so long again and please leave a nice little review for me to let me know you are still there XD**


	27. Chapter 27

**Good day to you, dearest Silent Witness friends heres chapter 27 enjoy!**

Chapter 27.

Her alarm went off and Nikki was fully awake right away. She woke up with the same thought she had the last minute before she fell asleep that night: _tell Harry_. She still didn't know how or when though, and that made her feel nervous..

Anyway, it was time to get out of bed now and get ready for work. Not that she really had to hurry though..

Harry woke up and looked at his alarm clock.

"Shit!" he moaned and jumped out of bed; he had to be at work in about 15 minutes. He took a one-minute shower and quickly got dressed while he was still wet. He grabbed an apple out of the fridge and ran off.

Nikki had already been sitting behind her desk for ten minutes when Harry came running in.

"Good morning," he said, while gasping for air. "Is Leo in?"  
>"Hiya, no he got called out to a scene about an hour ago, so he hasn't been in yet this morning," Nikki said, looking the other way.<p>

Harry, who was taking off his jacket, didn't notice and sat down with a sigh of relief. "Good. So, do we have anything interesting today?"

"Hmm not really, just a few reports we need to take a look at so far," Nikki said, still not looking at him but hiding behind one of these reports.

"So.. are you going to elaborate on yesterday's appointment?" Harry asked carefully.

"Nope," Nikki said and got up from her chair to get some coffee. "Coffee?"

"Yes please."

From the corner of her eye Nikki could see Harry looking at her for a few seconds, wanting to ask again, but then he probably realised he'd better let it rest for now.

She sat down again with two cups of coffee and got back to the report, still postponing what she wanted to say.

They spent that morning just reading reports, not really saying anything to each other with Leo still away, but there was some kind of tension in the room.. Harry wanted to know more about Nikki's appointment at Dr. Astini's and Nikki wanted to tell him how she really felt..

After they had had lunch, also largely in silence, Nikki had finally got her act together and she looked him in the eye.

"Harry, I.. would like to tell you something.. something I probably should have told you a long time ago.."

"What? You also got caught for drunk driving once? Your first time was a 50-year-old teacher? What?"

No! This went the wrong way already.. But she tried to relax and went along with it.

"Yeah, both.. no it's actually something completely different.. much more serious.." she just didn't know how to continue.

"What? Did something happen to you?" Now he sounded worried again.

"No, no! Not that! It's just.. I wanted to tell you, with everything that has happened over the past few months.. I finally realised that I –"

"I'm seriously going to file a complaint against that DCI Mumford! This is not the first time he isn't cooperating and now I'm done with this!" Leo came walking in, clearly very annoyed. "That last case he also didn't want to share information and now he is doing it again! I –"

He stopped talking when he saw the look on their faces. Then he understood he had interrupted something and calmed down a bit.

"Ehm.. sorry about that, it's just.."

"I know how annoying Mumford can be. My advice: always bring backup," Harry joked and got up from his desk to get Leo a cup of coffee. "But what about your case? Interesting?"

"Hmm yeah maybe, still have to do the PM of course, but I don't think this will be straight forward.. we have no ID yet and we might not get one; no head, no hands, so.."

Leo walked through to his office and sat down with his coffee.

Nikki sighed.. the moment was gone again, just when she had been _so _close!

"So, where were we?" Harry asked and smiled at her.

"Yeah.. well.."

Harry's phone rang.

He picked up.

"Home Office Pathology Department, this is Harry Cunningham. … Yes, I am. … Uhuh, where did you say? … Yes I know where that is. … Alright, okay, yes I'll see you there. … Bye." He hung up the phone. "Crime scene in Regent's Park, have to go."

He got up and put on his jacket again.

"Harry?" Nikki asked.

"Yeah what?"

"Do you think we could.. talk tonight?"

"Ehm yeah sure.. where?"

"Mine, let's say.. eight?"

Harry nodded, turned around and walked away.

Leo came out of his office and sat down at Harry's desk.

"I'm sorry, I know I interrupted something just now."  
>"Oh never mind, it's better not to talk about it at work anyway, so.."<p>

"Are you finally going to tell him?" Leo asked with a smile.

"Yes, well.. I'm trying.. not sure how to continue and really anxious about how he will react, to be honest."

"Nikki, just tell him. You _know _he feels the same way. I think deep inside your heart you have known for a long time you both feel the same way."

"Yes.. you are right. It's just, after everything that has happened with Jesper and all, I just don't know.."

"Yes of course, the situation has changed, but not your feelings, right? You know, those few days you were at home and it was just Harry and me up here, all he could do was talk about you. _You_, Nikki, it actually started to annoy me a bit."

Nikki laughed, also because she knew he was right. No reason to be nervous anymore, she just had to tell him when she saw him that evening.

There was no way Nikki could focus anymore that afternoon, she just wanted it to be 8 pm as soon as possible..

**So that's gonna be it, the moment of truth, that evening in Nikki's flat. What do you think guys?**

**xxx Dieuwiekiwi**


	28. Chapter 28 - Ending

**Hello everyone Yes, I'm actually still alive XD Sorry I made you wait this long for the final chapter of my 28-parter! Anyway, here it is, I hope you'll like it ;) Enjoy!**

Chapter 28.

It was only 7 pm, but Nikki had already been trying to get ready for the past hour or so. She was so nervous she kept changing, because she just didn't know what to wear. She tried to calm herself down; _it doesn't matter what you'll wear, just tell him!_ But her heart kept going like she had just run a marathon. In the end she put on the same clothes she had worn to work that day; she didn't want to make it look too much and this outfit was quite alright.

She kept walking up and down her apartment, moving things and cleaning things up. She just had to make it look perfect, just _had _to.

She forced herself to sit down on the couch and just switch the telly on for some distraction. That didn't really work; she checked what time it was every three seconds or so..

Slowly but surely it came closer to 8 pm and she got more nervous with every second.

Then, just five minutes to eight, her phone rang.

She looked who it was.

Leo.

"Hi Leo," she said as she picked up.

"Nikki, I'm _so _sorry, but I'm afraid I need you here. We just got four bodies brought in and the police want the PMs done right away. If Harry and I did it with just the two of us, it would take far too long.."

For a few seconds Nikki was speechless. How could this happen on _this _evening? She had almost driven herself mad over the past few hours and now that turned out to have all been for nothing because a few people had to die?!

"Nikki?" Leo asked when there came no response.

"Uh.. Yeah I'll be right there," Nikki mumbled and hung up the phone.

Great. Now she had to postpone that moment.. _Again_.

She put on her coat and left.

When she arrived at the Lyell Centre she quickly entered the lab and looked around. No sign of any activity.

"Hello?" She called. "Leo? Harry?"

No response.

"Zak? Anyone?"

Still no one answered.

"Hello?"

She walked through the doors into the cutting room, which was empty.

"Guys, this isn't funny, okay?"

An uncanny feeling slowly crept into her mind because of the dead silence that was all around her.

She had experienced something like this before and that time she had ended up with a smashed laptop and her pointing a scalpel at a police officer.

She turned around to leave the room and noticed there was a note attached to the door.

_Meet me on the roof_.

That was all it said.

Nikki was unsure what to think of all this. Was someone playing a practical joke on her? That meant Leo had to be in on it too, which she thought was quite hard to believe. She got out her phone and called Leo. It went straight to voice mail. Now she got really worried. What if someone had broken into the lab and taken Leo and Harry hostage?! Why were they _not_ there?!

She didn't know what to do. Should she just go to the roof or call the police? Or just leave and come back tomorrow? But what if there really was something the matter?

She gathered all her courage and left the cutting room. She got out of the lab and made her way to the stairs that led to the roof. Slowly she got up the stairs, trying to move as quiet as possible. When she stood in front of the door which gave entrance to the roof she pushed gently against it. It swung open with a loud shriek.

"Hello?" she said softly, her voice trembling, her heart beating faster and faster as she walked onto the roof. She peered into the black darkness, trying to spot anything, but there didn't seem to be anyone up here.

Suddenly someone lit a match and used it to lit some candles. In the flickering light she could see it was Harry. She just stood there, watching without breathing, how he lit more and more candles. Slowly a romantic scene appeared in the light from the candles. She could see a rug and cushions with on it bottle of red wine with two glasses, a baguette with some French cheese.. What the hell was going on here?

"If you'd like to join me?" Harry asked and he held out his hand.

Slowly Nikki reached out to grab his hand, which felt soft and warm.

They sat down beside the wine and bread and Harry put a blanket around her shoulders.

"Harry.." whispered Nikki. "What's all this?"

He didn't say anything, but just grinned at her while he poured them both some wine.

"Now you can say what you wanted to tell me," he said as he handed her a glass.

"Well.. It seems you already know what I wanted to say.. Otherwise you wouldn't have gone through all this trouble.." Nikki said softly, not really sure what to say.

"Okay, then let me go first," he said and he cleared his throat. "Nikki.. We have worked together for a long time now.. And I think we both know there is something more than us being just colleagues to each other.. We are friends.. Very good friends.."

He smiled nervously at her and slowly he put an arm around her shoulder.

He continued.

"But as we both know, we are also more than just good friends, right? I mean.. That one time we kissed –"

"I love you, Harry," Nikki said all of a sudden, very resolute.

He stopped talking and they looked each other right in the eye. Until this moment, Nikki had never experienced a feeling like this. She felt such intense warmth and love and it filled her completely, leaving no space for doubt or pain..

Harry pulled her close in a tight embrace.

"I love you too," Harry whispered in her ear, which made her shiver.

Slowly they moved away from each other again, until their faces were so close to each other their noses touched. They just sat there for a few seconds, eagerly looking at each other, feeling the other one's breath running past their lips. Then Nikki slowly pressed her lips onto Harry's. He closed his eyes as he went along with her movements. He opened his lips and their tongues met in a soft, long kiss, while they both put their arms around each other. After what felt like a month of Sundays they both pulled away again and Harry opened his eyes again.

Nikki wrapped the blanket around both of them, feeling Harry's warmth surround her whole body. They sat there, arms around each other and Nikki let her head rest on his shoulder. They sat there, just staring into the darkness and Nikki had never felt so safe before.

She felt like she could remain here forever, on the roof with the one man who'd always be with her for the rest of her life..

Harry Cunningham, the love of her life..

**So.. This was it then.. In the end it took me more than 9 months to write this from beginning to end :P Thank you so much, everyone who's still with me and I hope you liked the final chapter of this story..**

**xxxx Dieuwiekiwi**


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